


Lost to the Sea

by QuillsAndInk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Animal positive, Baker!Gabriel, Capail Uisce, Dean/Cas Big Bang 2018, Fluff, Gotic, Hellhounds, Horse breeder!Dean, Kelpie - Freeform, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sweet, Tiny doses of angst, Water Horses, dcbb2018, lawyer!Sam, painter!Cas, positive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 07:24:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16259438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuillsAndInk/pseuds/QuillsAndInk
Summary: Castiel is running away. Away from the city, away from exes, away from where he felt he never fit in. Luckily, his long-lost brother has a perfect escape in the form of Mercy, Oregon, a tiny seaside town where Castiel can while away the hours painting and never falling in love ever again. But a hitch gets thrown in his plans when he meets Dean, the secretive racehorse breeder who seems determined to win Castiel over. Unfortunately for Castiel, Mercy is full of secrets, and even the sea hides monsters, so how can Castiel fall for with a man who seems to want to protect them at all costs? In a town full of strange magic and enigmas, Dean and Castiel are put to the test. Can their budding romance survive it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to my artist knowmefirst ( here’s their art https://archiveofourown.org/works/16259180) and my editor navajolovesdestiel! I hereby dedicate this work to my brother. Love ya dude, with the whole of my heart. I hope this one makes you smile.

_ Pitch black, pale blue, _

_ This wild ocean,  _

_ Shakes what’s left of me loose, _

_ Just to hear me cry mercy. _

_ ****** _

_ I’m only honest when it rains, _

_ If I time it right, the thunder breaks _

_ When I open my mouth, _

_ I want to tell you, but I don’t know how. _

_ I’m only honest when it rains, _

_ An open book with a torn-out page, _

_ And my ink’s run out, _

_ I want to love you, but I don’t know how. _

   ~Neptune, Sleeping At Last

 

    Castiel clutched his suitcase tight against his side as he navigated the crowded airport. Leaving the hustle and bustle of San Diego seemed futile in the chaos of Portland’s baggage claim. Still, excitement bubbled in Castiel’s chest. Gabriel was waiting to collect him and whisk him away to his home by the sea, so Castiel could finally while the hours away with his paints and brushes.

    Castiel exhaled a sigh of relief as he found the airport’s exit. He stepped outside into the sunlight and blinked, annoyed that it still smelled and sounded very much like the city he’d hoped to escape. Cities were a breeding ground for monsters, and Castiel didn’t want to stumble on another. In his brother’s tiny town he hoped there would be none.

    He scanned the people milling around for Gabriel, hoping he’d still recognize his brother after fifteen years with only phone calls to keep them in touch. From behind him, a horn blared. Startled, Castiel turned to see a battered old pickup, an unknown driver, and Gabriel riding shotgun. Castiel’s brother had become a man in fifteen years, but his eyes were still mischievous amber chips set in smiling squints. Castiel grinned. Some things remained the same. 

     “Cassie!” Gabriel called out the window. God, Castiel had missed his voice. Tinny phone calls were a poor substitute for the real thing. Gabriel’s voice had changed from the teenage one Castiel still remembered. It was older, hopefully wiser, but it was still the big brother Castiel had trailed after till he was fourteen, when their parents had forced Gabriel away from home. 

       The truck’s door swung open with a bad-tempered creak and in the next second Gabriel was bounding over to Castiel to wrap him in a tight hug. Castiel relaxed into the embrace and fought the swell of emotion that rose within him. After a moment, Gabriel pulled away and gave Castiel a once over. 

       “You’ve grown up on me, Cas,” he said, warm and proud. 

       “I wish I could say the same for you,” Castiel replied with a wry smile. Gabriel had always been a little vertically challenged. At Castiel’s jibe, he cracked a wide grin.

       “Looks like I managed to rub off on you!” He clapped Castiel on the shoulder. “I’ve missed you, Cassie.” Castiel felt his eyes dampen.

        “I’ve missed you, too, Gabriel.”

         The truck’s horn blasted. Castiel and Gabriel jumped and the unknown driver eyed them with an amused, if exasperated expression. 

         “Yeah, yeah, we’re coming,” Gabriel grumbled good-naturedly. He turned and plucked Castiel’s suitcase away from him and swung it haphazardly into the bed of the truck. Castiel winced, thinking of his paints and inks that were stored in glass bottles and were only wrapped in plastic bags saved from trips to to grocery store. 

       Gabriel stepped back into the cab of the truck and slid over right up against the driver to make room for Castiel. Castiel got in, shut the door, and the old truck began to rattle steadily off toward wherever Castiel’s temporary home would be. 

         “Cassie,” Gabriel said as he snuggled his head against the driver’s shoulder, “this is my ol’ ball and chain—”

          “I’m Sam,” the driver interrupted, flicking his eyes from the road to Castiel and back again. “I’m Gabriel’s husband. I’ve heard a lot about you, it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

           “I wish I could say there was a name to put your face to, but it’s a pleasure all the same,” Castiel replied, shooting his brother a glare. “It would’ve been nice to know there was a wedding to attend.”

          “It was a small ceremony, but you would have been welcome,” Sam said warmly. 

          “I already told you, Cassie, Mercy’s a funny place,” Gabriel said defensively, “ _ of course  _ I wanted you there, but if you didn’t fit in in Mercy, you wouldn’t have been happy.”

          “And how are you so sure I’ll fit in now?” Castiel arched a vexed eyebrow. He’d been begging his brother for years to allow him to come to the little seaside town in Oregon for a visit. Just  a quick one, a weekend away from San Diego. Gabriel had always found an excuse to deny him.

         “It’s different now. You’re trying to escape, right?” Castiel gave his brother what he hoped was a covert warning glare. Gabriel knew full well why Castiel was trying to get away from San Diego, but that didn’t mean Sam needed to know. “....Even quit that fancy accounting job I’m sure Mom and Dad were so proud of. You’re looking for Mercy, even if you don’t know it yet. Bring us your lost souls, just don’t expect to get ‘em back,” Gabriel explained, glossing over much of Castiel’s truth.

        “I’ve only promised the summer, Gabriel,” Castiel said, still unsure if Mercy was what he hoped it was. 

       “Don’t tempt fate, Cassie,” Gabriel warned. 

       “Mercy has a funny way of keeping people around,” Sam said, “if she likes you, she’ll keep you. You never know.”

        “You make it sound like the town is a living thing.” Castiel frowned. Sam and Gabriel shared a knowing glance. 

        “I’m from Lawrence, Kansas. I swore I’d never leave there. My home situation wasn’t ideal, but my brother, Dean, well, he was stuck in Kansas and I knew I wouldn’t leave him behind. Dean’s four years older and he was my mom, my dad, and my brother combined. He raised me more than anyone else ever did. Anyway, he got this crazy idea when when I was 17, to go on a road trip up the West Coast. When we got there, we only planned on staying in Mercy for a night.” Sam shrugged. “Here we are, thirteen years later.”

      “Does your brother still live in Mercy?” Castiel asked. Sam nodded.

      “Yeah, he does. Raises horses to sell to rich pricks in California looking to make a quick buck on something fast,” Sam replied. 

_ Horses _ , thought Castiel dreamily. What an excellent subject to paint. 

     “Hey, I remember that look.” Gabriel’s voice was wry. “Looks you’re gonna devour those horses whole.”

      “You ride?” There was an edge to Sam’s voice that Castiel couldn’t place. Castiel shook his head.

     “No. Our parents never really liked animals.”

      “I told you, Samshine, Cas is a painter,” Gabriel piped up. Sam’s grip visibly tightened on the wheel. Castiel watched with growing curiosity and confusion. How could wanting to paint horses cause such a reaction?

      “Painter, huh? You coming to paint Dean’s horses? Or Crowley’s dogs? What did Gabe tell you about them?” Sam’s tone was sharp and riddled with worry.

      “Come on, Sam,” Gabriel groaned. 

      “Nothing,” Castiel said in bewilderment, “I just wanted to paint the sea.” Some tension drained from Sam’s shoulders. 

      “Sorry,” he said unapologetically, “Dean’s just protective about the horses and Crowley’s dogs get a bad rep.”

       “I don’t want to invade anyone’s privacy,” Castiel said nervously. He couldn’t get a grip on Sam’s shift in mood.

       “You won’t,” Gabriel said, his tone flinty as he looked at Sam, “give Cassie a chance, Sam.”

       “I don’t want to have this conversation again.” Sam’s tone eased. Gabriel strained his torso up to kiss Sam’s jaw. 

        “Trust me. That’s all I ask.” Gabriel nudged his head against Sam’s shoulder and Sam smiled softly.

     Castiel couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at witnessing that was clearly an intimate moment.   

He zoned out to give them peace and silently pondered Sam’s questions. What was so strange about wanting to paint horses or dogs? Plenty of people painted animals. Hell, Castiel himself had learned how to paint by watching videos of people painting animals online. What on earth was wrong? He resolved to ask Gabriel about it later. 

      The first forty five minutes of the drive passed smoothly after that. Sam was much more relaxed and Gabriel was jovial as ever. He happily caught Castiel up on his life. 

      “Paradise went online and now we’re shipping cakes across the country,” Gabriel told Castiel excitedly, “we’re even getting customers from Canada and Europe!” 

       Paradise Cakes was Gabriel’s bakery and his pride and joy, as Castiel knew well. Scarcely a conversation had passed between them without Gabriel mentioning it. It was the perfect job for Gabriel; a massive sweet tooth and a vast sense of whimsy turned into cakes with names and ingredients lists the made Castiel’s mouth water. The rest of the world too, apparently. 

      “That’s wonderful, Gabriel!” Castiel said with a smile. Sam took a hand off the wheel and draped around Gabriel’s back.

       “I’m very proud,” he said warmly, all hints of his previous anxiety gone. Since he had become more relaxed, Castiel found himself hoping to solidify a friendship in Sam. 

     “Do you work at the bakery as well, Sam?” Castiel asked. Sam shook his head hard as Gabriel gave an undignified snort.

     “If you’d ever seen him attempt to cook, Cassie, that wouldn’t even be a question,”

     “Hey!” Sam swatted Gabriel’s shoulder playfully. 

     “Sugar plum, you and I both know there’s a reason good ingredients rot in the fridge and takeout boxes litter the floor if I ever go on a business trip,” Gabriel replied smoothly. Sam glared at Gabriel good-naturedly then smiled at Castiel over Gabriel’s head. 

     “He’s right, though. I’m a lawyer.”

     “Really?” Castiel asked. His parents always wanted him to become a lawyer, but he’d never grown the stomach for defending people. 

      “Yeah, I have a small practice for Mercy and the surrounding towns. Not much you know, mostly just theft cases. People suing their neighbor over this or that. Small stuff.” Sam shrugged nonchalantly, but Castiel was sure he could detect a hint of pride in his voice. 

      “Sam can win any case,” Gabriel boasted happily. Gabriel nestled happily against Sam, triggering an ache that Castiel refused to acknowledge somewhere deep down in his chest. Instead, he turned a gazed out the window.  

     Signs of the city were getting more and more sparse. The forest, thick and deep, was swallowing the road they were driving on. Trees towered and magnificently green undergrowth encroached on the cracked old road. Rain began to gently filter down through the canopy, making an agreeable background to the silence. The rain served to brighten the the undergrowth extraordinarily and darken the trunks of the trees. Castiel itched for his paints so he could capture the contrast. Instead, he contented himself with taking pictures on his phone and hoping the quality would be enough. 

       “I told you you’d love it here.” Gabriel smirked at Castiel. Castiel merely inclined his head. 

       “I haven’t decided yet.”

       “C’mon, Cassie, you’re already snared! Just admit it,” Gabriel huffed. 

       “Gabe, he’s been here for an hour and a half! Let him breathe for God’s sake,” Sam barked. Amusement crinkled his eyes, though, and Castiel wasn’t sure how rescued he felt. 

      “Thank you, Sam,” he replied anyway. Gabriel gave a dramatic sigh. 

       “Everybody  _ hates _ me,” he whined. Castiel smiled slyly at him.

       “I suppose Sam and I will have to starve without you,” Castiel said serenely. Sam gave an undignified snort.

       “You’re right! You need me! Can’t let my Samshine starve, now can I?” Gabriel pinched Sam’s cheek until Sam batted his hand away. Castiel grinned. What a lovely summer this would be. 

      Two more hours passed with light banter and cracks. Sam, as it happened, had just as wicked a sense of humor as Gabriel, despite his quiet and studious demeanor. Castiel found himself liking his brother-in-law more and more as they drove on through forests and tiny towns. 

   Each town was uniquely beautiful and Castiel happily sketched away on a pad of note paper and a pen Gabriel had scrounged up from beneath his seat during a pit stop at a gas station. Still, none of the former beauty prepared him for Mercy. 

     Enshrouded in fog and raining lightly, the dark buildings seemed ethereal and unreal. The few people walking by were spectres, disappearing in and out of the mist. Castiel got a sense of a different reality. Mercy was unlike anything else. And despite himself, Castiel fell a little in love. 

      “Welcome to Mercy.” Gabriel’s voice was soft and reverent, mirroring a rickety wooden sign off the side of the road that stated the same. 

      “The sea beckons you home,” Sam said. Castiel looked at him in silent question.

      “What?”

       “The town slogan. It was on the sign,” Sam clarified. Castiel nodded, but it was the oddest town slogan he had ever heard. Vaguely he wondered if he’d entered another world. As they slowly drove through the town, Sam and Gabriel pointed out shops and houses and people. Castiel forgot them instantly. He could learn them later. For now, Mercy as a whole was too great a marvel to resist. 

      It only took twenty minutes to reach Gabriel and Sam’s house, which was a ways from the center of town. Castiel smiled wryly as soon as he saw it. It was grand and flamboyant and all Gabriel. They pulled up into the driveway and got out of the truck. The sky began to darken and even in the chilly rain, Castiel felt alive. The sea crashed somewhere nearby and the scent of rain mixed with salt filled the air. If anyone had told Castiel this morning that this is where he’d be, he would have scoffed. The town smelled like adventure and the magic of that tingled down his spine. 

      “You’re hooked!” Gabriel sing-songed. Castiel didn’t even reply to that. He simply inhaled more of the air.

      “I get it,” Sam said quietly from behind him, “Mercy air is like no other.”

      “I’m inclined to agree.” Castiel smiled.

      “C’mon, Cassie!” Gabriel called. Castiel swung his suitcase out of the bed of the truck and hauled it up the stairs to the front door with Sam close behind. Gabriel unlocked the door and they all stumbled inside and out of the cold. No sooner had Sam shut the door behind them when a massive black dog came bounding over. It barked happily and commenced a greeting routine of wiggling and whining and leaping against Sam and Gabriel’s bodies. It happily leapt on Castiel, clearly intending to lick his face, but a muzzle that concealed its jaw and cheeks prevented it. 

      “Luka,  _ down _ ,” Gabriel admonished. The dog obediently dropped into its paws and slunk over to him. Gabriel sighed and scratched its nubby ears. “Sorry about that, Cassie. He’s mostly a good boy.”

       “I’m sure,” Castiel said warmly, “you don’t have to muzzle him you know. I don’t share Mother’s view on dogs.”

      “He gets a little nippy,” Sam clarified. Gabriel shrugged. 

     “Let him get used to you.”  With that, Gabriel gave Castiel a tour of the house. It was vast and modern, but messy and homey enough to look lived in. Castiel especially loved the guest room where he was staying, during the day it would have an excellent view of the sea. He set his suitcase down and sat on the bed. This would certainly be an interesting summer. 

      “Are you hungry, Cassie? I could rustle up something for dinner,” Gabriel offered. Castiel shook his head. Traveling always ruined his appetite.   

       “If you don’t mind, I’m tired. I think I’ll turn in.”

        “Sure,” Gabriel said easily, “sweet dreams.” Once he was gone, Castiel quickly prepared for bed and crawled under the covers. Tomorrow would be interesting, but for now, sleep dragged him under.

 


	2. Chapter 2

    Castiel woke at five-thirty in the morning to weak light streaming in from behind the curtain of his room. He blinked groggily for a long moment, straining to hear the beeps and noise of the city. His brain sluggishly came online and suddenly, he remembered. He was in Mercy. The city could not have been farther away. With renewed vigor, Castiel leapt up and shoved the curtain aside. The day was cloudy, but the rain had stopped and Castiel could see it. The ocean, dark grey and tumultuous, thrashed just a little bit away. He couldn’t hear the sea, but her siren song could be expressed through his eyes too. Castiel swore he’d never gotten dressed faster. 

     Warmly wrapped in jeans and a sweater, Castiel padded to the front door, attempting not to wake Sam and Gabriel, but the moment he unlocked the door Luka was racing toward him with bark. 

     “Hush,” Castiel whispered as he soothed the dog with pets. He was still muzzled, but he happily presented his belly for scratches that Castiel was equally happy to provide. Luka was such a gentle giant, Castiel could not wrap his head around the dog biting  _ anyone _ , let alone needing to be muzzled for such a problem.

      “Goddamnit, Cassie. Six a.m., really?” A very disheveled and sleep rumpled Gabriel stumbled out of his room down the hall. He gave Castiel a glare and clicked his tongue at Luka. The dog ran to his side. Castiel winced.

        “I hoped he wouldn’t wake you.”

        “What the hell are you doing up this early anyway?” Gabriel had never been much of a morning person. Castiel shrugged helplessly.

         “I wanted to walk by the beach.” Gabriel’s eyes snapped open in alarm, but drooped down again just as quickly. Castiel squinted. What the hell?

        “Sam and I can show you the beach later. It really isn’t safe at this time in the morning.” Gabriel was trying to sound dismissive, but Castiel knew his brother. There was an undercurrent of concern there. 

      “What could possibly be so dangerous about a beach?” Castiel scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. 

       “It’s great white season,” Gabriel replied too smoothly. 

       “I’ll be on the beach. Are you saying that sharks in Mercy have sprouted legs to attack people on land?” Castiel arched an eyebrow. Gabriel held firm, but Castiel had always been more obstinate, even when they were children

       “Just trust me, Cassie, please?” Gabriel’s tone softened to something warm and coaxing that always worked on Castiel when they were younger. Castiel was grown now.

         “I’m going to the beach, Gabriel.” With that, Castiel opened the door and let it click shut behind him. Anger and confusion pooled in his belly but the scent of salt in the air soothed it a little. He jammed his hand into his pockets and marched toward the sound of the waves.

         Castiel snorted at Gabriel’s concern as he walked. Even if there were sharks, it wasn’t  like they would charge out of the water to kill him. Castiel has heard of wolves and lynx being in Oregon, but those animals tended to be so shy, he would be shocked to find one near a human population. 

       “Idiot,” Castiel muttered under his breath. He shook his head hard to rid himself of frustration. Castiel finally reached the tall cliffs overlooking sea and his breath was stolen. He’d seen pictures of the ocean, but nothing he’d seen before could have captured this one. Moody and foam-tipped, the waves bashed against each other, vying for another hungry lap of the shore. Fog was blowing inland from the surface, almost as if the sea herself was ashamed of her behavior. But the sound she made, the  _ crash, hiss  _ every time she touched the shore told a different story.  

      Castiel walked down a narrow path to stand on the beach, wracking his brain for how he could paint this. The textures, the shadows, the undulating shades of grey and blue. He would have to spend glorious hours mixing his paints to get those shades. 

        Then the stench hit him. Even the salt of the sea couldn’t overpower the scent of death on the beach. Castiel searched for the source and found it a hundred yards away. A massive charcoal body was motionless in the surf. Castiel jogged over to it and immediately had to fight back a retch. The rankness of the body hung in the air like smoke. The mouth of it remained in a bloody grin. A great white shark had washed up on the beach. Castiel walked around the body to inspect it for any possible sign of life and was aghast to find it torn open from its chin to its tail. What could have possibly done  _ that _ ?

         “What are you doing on the beach?” The voice startled Castiel badly and he whipped around to face its source. A man was walking toward him with the machete in one hand and a bucket in the other. Castiel’s heart stuttered. 

        “I’m sorry?” He called back, hoping the man was friendlier than he seemed. 

       “What are you doing on the beach? It’s a summer morning for fuck’s sake, don’t you—oh. You aren’t from here are you?” The man’s tone softened a little. Castiel let out a breath. 

      “I’m not. My name is Castiel, I’m—“

      “Gabe’s brother,” the man finished, “gotcha.” He walked around Castiel and began hacking away at the shark corpse.

       “It seems you have me at a disadvantage,” Castiel said with only a little haughtiness. The man turned with a sheepish smile that made Castiel’s heart melt in ways he did not allow.  

       “Sorry. Sometimes I get caught up. I’m Dean. Dean Winchester, Sam’s brother.” Ah, the horse breeder. 

       “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Castiel said, sticking out his hand. Dean didn’t take it. 

        “My hands are covered in shark guts, otherwise I’d shake,” Dean clarified, “but nice to meet you too.” His smile changed into something radiant, so bright that Castiel could hardly stand to look at it, but couldn’t tear his eyes away. Castiel gave him a small smile in return. Dean turned back to his work and Castiel was set free of his beautiful face. Gratitude for that pounded in Castiel’s chest, even as the chill in the air filled a cavity in his where he was sure his heart was. He ignored it. Instead he focused on his most pressing question.

       “Did you catch the shark?” Castiel asked. He watched Deans expression closely. 

       “No,” he replied simply. He tone didn’t allow for more questions. Castiel bit his lip.

      “Sam said you breed horses,” Castiel said. Dean nodded slowly, filling his bucket with stinking shark corpse. 

       “Yeah. King of the Damned won the Kentucky Derby. He was one of my colts.” Dean said it with a shrug but Castiel knew pride when he heard it.

        “Impressive,” Castiel said, unsure if it was the correct compliment. It didn’t matter. Dean gave him a hundred watt smile anyway. 

        “He was out of Arwen and Blue. Arwen’s a sweetheart. Not particularly fast, but good mannered. Blue…” Dean gave another smile that was soft and private and it made Castiel’s ache renew tenfold. “Blue is something else.”

       “Lord of the Rings fan?” Castiel asked, desperate to get rid of that smile that made his feelings surge unbidden. 

        “No. Well yes, but Charlie, my stable manager, named her,” Dean said. He stood up straight and lifted the bucket of dead shark chunks. “Have Sam and Gabe shown you around Mercy yet?” Dean asked. Castiel shook his head, unable to coax his jaw into giving a proper answer. Dean’s warmth, Dean’s smile, it caught him off guard. Dean stuck out a gallant elbow, “If you don’t mind me stinking like dead shit, I’d be happy to.”

      Castiel hesitated for a fraction of a second, just long enough for Dean’s face to fall. He wrapped his fingers around Dean’s solid bicep. “Thank you, Dean.”

        With far too much happiness for such a simple gesture from Castiel, Dean guided him away from the beach. Sun began to peek through the clouds and Castiel tried not to think of it like a sign. He didn’t need monsters and Dean was too lovely not to be a monster. It was a short walk from the beach up to the town and Dean allowed it to be a silent one. Castiel was grateful. Dean’s closeness threatened to overwhelm him. 

     “C’mon,” Dean said finally, “first I gotta get to Benny’s.” He lead Castiel to a tiny shop with a peeling sign saying ‘butcher’ across the top. They entered and Castiel was surprised the clean woody scent. From the outside, he’s expected a bloodbath.

     “Benny!” Dean called. A husky man came out of a back room in a stained apron. 

     “Hey, brother,” he greeted in a pleasant drawl. Dean handed him the bucket of shark and the machete without shaking Castiel loose from his arm. 

      “Benny, this is Gabe’s brother Castiel. Cas, this is Benny,” Dean introduced. Castiel’s heart pounded in a way it never had when Gabriel called him Cas. Perhaps it was the way Dean claimed the nickname like a birthright. 

       “Pleasure to meet you.” Castiel stuck his hand out. Benny set the bucket and machete on the counter and shook Castiel’s hand. 

       “Likewise,  _ cher _ ,” he replied with a grin. Dean gave him a warning look and Benny raised his hands in surrender. “I see how it is,” he apologized. Castiel furrowed his brow in confusion. How  _ what _ was? Dean smiled serenely and Castiel’s thoughts fizzled for a moment.

      “Thanks, man,” Dean said, “can I pick the food up later?” 

     “Sure. Welcome to Mercy, Castiel,” Benny said as he turned to the bucket and the machete. Dean jutted his chin at the back of Benny’s head and lead Castiel out of the butcher’s shop. 

     “What’d you think of Benny?” Dean asked once they were outside. The air was still chilly, but the sun was making an effort. 

      “He seemed nice. What’s he going to do with the shark meat?” Castiel pressed. 

       “Process it for me,” Dean replied.

        “Then what will  _ you _ do with it?” Dean gave Castiel a lopsided grin. 

         “Eat it.” Castiel tried and failed to school his expression away from horror. Dean laughed and bumped their shoulders together. Castiel’s treacherous heart pounded at the sound of Dean’s mirth. Internally, he shushed it. He was close enough to Dean now that he could smell him beneath the stink of death. His aftershave, his shampoo, his sweat, all spicy and warm and deeply masculine. Dizzily, Castiel thought to lean closer into it before he caught himself. Never again, he’d promised himself a year ago. He would keep that promise. 

     “I’m just kidding, Cas.” Castiel looked up to catch Dean’s frown. The horror in Castiel’s face had deepened into something worse. Something from a year ago. Castiel breathed in deeply and allowed his expression to slack. He was far away from everything in San Diego. He was safe here. 

     “I know. I’m sorry,” Castiel smiled at Dean. Dean’s returning grin spread slowly across his face like honey in the sun. 

       “Don’t be sorry.” Dean tugged Castiel closer to him and they started off once again. Dean pointed out all the shops along the main street. Gabriel’s bakery, smattered in color, looking both chaotic and elegant. Already it smelled good enough to make Castiel’s stomach rumble. He’d have to stop in and apologize later. Dean showed him the Roadhouse, Mercy’s only decent restaurant according to Dean, run by Ellen and managed by Jo, her daughter and Ash, a family friend. Then Singer Mechanics, where the gruff Bobby Singer crawled out from beneath an old car and embraced Dean like a son.

       “Been too long, boy,” he’d growled, and waved away Dean’s apology. Then came the sheriff’s office and Sheriffs Jody Mills and  Deputy Donna Hanscum. Then Sam’s law office, several more shops and people, until it was finally nearing afternoon. Dean and Castiel strolled back toward the beach where Dean’s house and stables were. 

     Castiel gathered up the nerve to ask the question he had been dying to ask all morning. “Could I paint your horses?” Dean hesitated in answering for the first time all day. He he drew a breath in through his teeth.

       “Maybe another time?” He offered weakly. Castiel nodded. He was a little disappointed, but even more confused. Why was everyone hiding these horses? They were going to the Kentucky Derby for God’s sake! Why the hell couldn’t they be seen?

        “I hope to see them. I’ve always loved horses,” Castiel offered, trying to hide his warring emotions. Dean gave him another heart-melting grin.

       “Would you let me take you to dinner tonight?” Dean asked suddenly. He looked so honest and sweet. Castiel’s heart dropped. He had promised himself no more. 

        “Dean—”

         “Oh!” Dean looked stricken and he quickly put more distance between himself and Castiel. Castiel immediately felt the loss of his warmth. The misty chill of the day curled against the side of Castiel he had occupied. Dean ducked his head and his ears turned an interesting shade of red. “Are you not, um, into guys?”

         “I am,” Castiel remedied far too quickly. What was the matter with him? He needed to say no. That Dean was barking up the wrong tree. But would dinner be so bad? Dinner didn’t mean dating, or love, or kissing, or sex. It just meant eating food, right? Maybe he could find out about the horses. Castiel was already tired of this town’s strange secrets and he had been in Mercy less than a day. “Pick me up at seven?” He asked weakly. Dean’s face lit up so rapidly and beautifully, Castiel heart gave a painful beat and he couldn’t find it within himself to regret his choice. 

       “See you at seven, Cas!” He tugged Castiel into a warm, one-armed hug and trotted off toward his stables. Castiel stood frozen. What had he done?

 


	3. Chapter 3

    “What have I done?” Castiel groaned into the dregs of his green tea. 

     “You’ve accepted a date like a human adult,” Gabriel responded primly, sliding a plate with a slice of cake on it over to Castiel, “try that.” After parting with Dean, Castiel had found his way to Gabriel’s bakery and flopped on a chair to tell his brother everything.

      “You know my feelings on that sort of thing,” Castiel grumbled as he stabbed his fork through the crunchy almond topping and into the sinfully soft cake and cream below. He had to stifle a moan on the first bite. 

      “You have to make this for me every time I make poor choices,” Castiel said as he brandished his fork at Gabriel. Gabriel only smiled.

       “It’s my first  _ bienenstich _ , I’m glad you like it. Also, Dean is hot and generally a good guy, albeit the worse brother.” Gabriel sighed dramatically and looked off into the middle distance, clearly imagining Sam.

         “ _ Gabriel _ !” Castiel reached over the counter and swatted his brother on the arm. “This is serious.”

          “It’s just a date, Cassie,” Gabriel said wryly. Castiel lowered his gaze.

          “Meg was just a date. Ishim was just a date.  _ Alastair was just a date _ ,” he growled darkly.

          “Hey, now,” Gabriel replied sternly, “Dean is none of those people, least of all Alastair.”

           “I can’t do this again, Gabe! I can’t fall for someone.” Castiel knew he was whining, but he couldn’t do this. Not again. 

            “You can and you should. Honestly, you and Dean were made for each other. Give him a shot.” Gabriel looked unimpressed with Castiel’s tone

             “Don’t hold your breath,” Castiel grumbled back sulkily. 

              “Cassie, don’t be an idiot! Dean isn’t going to do anything stupid. Or spray paint slurs on your house. Or stalk you. Or do something to you that lands him in jail. Can you quit with your bullshit about being cursed and just go on a date? Jesus, Cas, stop the melodrama.” Gabriel was clearly losing his temper. Castiel held firm.

            “You didn’t suspect any of the others. What makes this any different?”

            Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I know Dean. I married his brother. He’s not like that, Cassie, he’s not.”

            “Alastair was deceptive, Ishim was crazy, and Meg wasn’t ready for a person like me,” Castiel grated out. This argument was pointless. Love was the last thing in the cards for Castiel, if it even existed at all. “You know it’s true.”

            “It is. But you’re also ignoring the fact that you rarely give people the time of day. You run out on everything anymore, and there are good and worthwhile people out there. Just go tonight, Cassie,” Gabriel said wearily, “you’re fucking annoying.”

             “Oh,  _ I’m  _ annoying?” Castiel seethed, “I’m sorry my problems are such a bane on you, Gabriel.”

              “Christ, you’re a drama queen,” Gabriel replied, unperturbed. “I saw the way you looked. Dean got under your skin and it’s about damn time someone did.”

              “I said I’d go. But just this once,” Castiel warned, pointing a patronizing finger at his brother. Gabriel granted him a grin that Castiel found unnecessarily shit-eating. 

              “That’s what they all say, little brother, that’s what they all say.”

             Later that evening, still shower-damp and clad in only his underwear, Castiel removed all his clothes from his suitcase and laid them out. He paced around on the small patch of free space. There was  _ nothing  _ for him to wear. Why had he not planned on the inevitability of a night out?

          “Woah!” The door creaked open and Sam poked his head into the room. “Looks like a bomb went off in here.” Sam seemed unconcerned to find Castiel in his skivvies.

          “Hush,” Castiel grumbled. He lifted a grey v-neck shirt up and folded it quickly before tossing it into the ‘no’ pile. 

           “So, uh, date with Dean tonight, huh?” Sam heged. 

           “A choice I severely regret,” Castiel said, discarding a red sweater. 

           “Hey, I know Dean can be….pushy,” Sam said, entering the room and carefully tiptoeing around the strewn clothing with more grace than Castiel would have assigned his size. 

          “That’s not it.” Castiel sighed and shoved clothes aside so he could sit on the bed. He squinted at Sam. He had an open face and a friendly countenance, he seemed genuinely concerned that this went well for Castiel. “I haven’t been on a date in a while,” he admitted. Sam smiled slowly. 

       “Just like riding a bike.” He picked up a white t-shirt and pair of dark jeans and tossed them gently at Castiel.

      “Are you sure these aren’t too casual?” Castiel frowned. Sam shook his head. 

      “Dean’s a casual guy.” He picked his way through the rest of the clothes and left. Castiel got dressed in the clothes Sam suggested and tried to to comb his hair flat before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort. He threw on his Oxford shoes and wandered out to the front door where he had hung his coat. Sam and Gabriel were watching a movie together and Gabe paused it to wolf whistle at Castiel. 

       “You really clean up! Dean’s going to cream his pants,” Gabriel said cheerfully. Sam slapped his shoulder in disgust.

        “Jesus Christ on a bike, Gabe!” he admonished, “You really do look nice, Cas.” There is was, that nickname again, sounding completely different in Sam’s mouth than it had in Dean’s. 

        “I see Mother’s attempts to clear out your foul mouth have failed.” Castiel replied, unconcerned with his brother’s comment.

        “He was like this as a kid too?” Sam asked, eyes glinting with interest. 

         “Worse,” Castiel shot Gabriel a wicked grin, “I have  _ so _ many stories.”

          “Castiel,” Gabriel warned. 

          “I wanna hear stories,” Sam said. 

          “ _ Samsquatch _ ,” Gabriel moaned.

         “Be quiet,” Sam said, covering Gabriel’s mouth with a large hand, “now, you promised me stories?”

          “Well, there was this one time, Gabriel must’ve been eight, and the neighbor boy—” Castiel was cut off by a sharp knock at the front door. Gabriel leapt out of Sam’s grasp. 

         “I never thought I’d say this, but thank  _ God _ for Dean,” Gabriel grumbled. He trotted off it answer the door. 

         “Later, you’re finishing that story,” Sam said with a sly smile that Castiel returned. 

          “There’s so much to tell.”

          “Hey, Cas.” Dean was standing in the doorway next to Gabriel. He was dressed simply in a nice flannel and jeans, but he still managed to take Castiel’s breath in unexpected ways.

          “Hello, Dean,” Castiel managed. Dean stepped forward and gave Castiel a small, clearly hand-picked bouquet of blue and purple penstemons. “Thank you, they’re beautiful.” Castiel tried not to let the lump that formed in his throat make a slurry of his words. Dean scratched the back of his head in an obvious attempt to self soothe. His nervousness was absolutely dear and Castiel found himself trying to snuff out a surge of emotion. 

         “Uh, ready to go?” He asked. Castiel nodded and passed the flowers to Sam to put in a vase. 

       “Let’s go,” Castiel replied. Dean looked like he was about to offer a hand again, but Castiel shied away and Dean stopped himself from even sticking his hand out. He just walked beside Castiel to the door.  

       “See you later, you crazy kids!” Gabriel called after them. Dean opened the door and ushered Castiel outside to where his car was waiting. It was a massive black beauty and thought Castiel knew nothing about cars, even he could recognize a well cared for vintage. Dean gallantly stepped ahead of Castiel to open the door for him. Castiel sat inside the car and was immediately overwhelmed by scent of leather and whiskey. When Dean got in the driver’s side, the smell was balanced by Dean’s leather and aftershave scent. Castiel exhaled slowly. He needed a clear head to make sure this went nowhere.

        “So, um, I’m just gonna take you to the Roadhouse. Best burgers and pie in town. Is that okay?” Dean asked, still absolutely nervous in the best way. It made Castiel want to scoot a little closer to him in the worst way. He gritted his teeth and held firm. There must have been something in his face because Dean leapt to correct himself; “or we could go to the fancy Italian place the next town over? It’s only like forty-five minutes away and we might be able to get a reservation.”

        “Dean.” Castiel places a calculated hand on Dean’s arm. Dean stopped babbling. “Burgers are fine. I like burgers,” Castiel told him. Dean relaxed under Castiel’s fingers. Something warm bubbled up in Castiel’s chest. He tried his best to ignore it. He removed his hand.

         “Haven’t done this for a while,” Dean muttered by way of apology. Castiel offered him a tiny smile.

       “Neither have I,” Castiel said, “so we can make up our own rules.” Dean smiled brightly and it took every ounce of Castiel not to kiss him. 

         “Then let’s go,” Dean said more happily. He started the car up and she immediately gave a growly purr as they pulled away from Sam and Gabriel’s house and toward the restaurant.

     The drive was quiet, Dean too nervous to talk and Castiel too unwilling to feel anything more than he already was. Dean’s Metallica tape permeated the silence and Castiel was sure Dean was humming along with the guitar under his breath. 

      The Roadhouse was within walking distance of the house and so the drive was short lived. Dean raced to open Castiel’s door once they got there. He also held open the door of the restaurant for Castiel. Castiel sighed internally. Dean was trying so hard to be gallant and make everything perfect. Castiel couldn’t let him succeed. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t allow people in anymore. 

        “Hey, Dean,” a young blonde waitress greeted Dean as soon as she saw them. She gave him a warm hug that Dean returned fiercely. Castiel felt a twinge of—no. He’d only just met Dean, he had no right to feel anything like jealousy. They broke apart and Dean stepped closer to Castiel, puffing out his chest in pride. 

       “Jo, this is Cas. Cas, this is Jo,” Dean introduced. A slow, knowing  smile spread across Jo’s face.

       “He’s cute, Dean,” she complimented. Dean placed a careful hand on Castiel’s shoulder. 

       “Preachin’ to the choir,” he said with a dopey grin that made Castiel’s cheeks heat up. Jo lead them to a private booth.

        “The usual?” She asked.

        “You okay with that, Cas?” Dean asked.

        “I’ll have what he’s having,” Castiel replied with a weak grin. 

        “Alright, love birds, I’ll be back with your drinks,” Jo smiled and disappeared into the maze of tables and customers. 

          “It’s busier than I thought it’d be,” Castiel remarked, more to himself than Dean. 

          “What, did you think Mercy only had a population of twenty?” Dean asked, mirth coloring his tone. Castiel shrugged.

           “There didn’t seem to be many houses. Or businesses,” he replied, valiantly attempting not to sound sulky. 

            “They’re just all in the woods and on the cliffs. And loads of folks work out of their homes. Easier than being a shop owner in a town no one knows the name of,” Dean explained. Which brought up one of Castiel’s many questions. 

           “Why is it that no one knows about Mercy? I hadn’t heard of it until Gabriel moved here and told me about it.” Castiel watched intently as Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth and chin, clearly searching for the best way to put it. 

           “Well, there isn’t much major crime, no real big natural disasters, no news station to broadcast all our drama. Just the daily paper written by Bela Talbot, who is a terrible gossip, so expect anything you tell her to end up in the paper the next week, and so people don’t care. Mercy is left alone by the world out there,” Dean said. There was something in the way his eyes darted around that told Castiel that wasn’t the whole truth.

            “Anyway, what about you, Cas,” Dean said, clearly changing the subject. Castiel squinted.

           “What about me?”

          “Anything. What a beautiful mystery man is doing in Mercy. Why Gabriel’s been hiding you for so long. What’s your favorite color. What’s your favorite childhood memory. Anything,” Dean said, clearly fully enraptured.

        “Quid pro quo?” Castiel offered. Dean grinned. 

        “You’re on.” 

         In a span of a few hours, Castiel learned that Dean’s favorite color was blue (Castiel’s was yellow), Dean’s favorite food was burgers and pie (Castiel’s was baked ziti, although he too could admit that burgers at the Roadhouse were the best he’d had in a very long time) Dean loved working on his car, but nothing compared to his love for his horses (still kept vague and unattainable), Dean liked to work on cars as a pastime (Castiel explained his painting), and Dean loved the sea. 

        “So what would be your fairytale ending?” Castiel asked. “If you could want for nothing, what would you have?” It was a question Castiel’s mother always said to ask on a first date. Castiel never had, thinking it nonsense. But now here, with a man he wasn’t allowed to fall in love with, it was the only question on his mind. 

         “I’d have the love of my life, my brother, Blue, and the sea,” Dean replied. It was such a simple answer, but it made Castiel’s heart pound in his chest. Suddenly, unwittingly, Dean’s beauty unfurled before Castiel in the terrible lighting. His wonderfully green eyes, his sharp jaw, his patrician features. 

          “And who will be the love of your life?” Castiel asked around his breathless lungs. Dean met Castiel firmly in the eye. 

         “I’ll know them when I see them.” Castiel was startled by Dean’s look, but quickly fell under the spell of it. He was absolutely enchanted in all the wrong ways. 

      They left the restaurant after Dean paid for their meal. Ever the gentleman, Dean opened every door for Castiel, and walked him to Sam and Gabriel’s door.  

       “Cas,” Dean said, his voice warm and rough and happy, “can I kiss you?” Castiel needed to say no. One kiss from those lips and he’d be haunted forever. One kiss might cost him everything he’d fought for after he realized love was a disaster by its nature. One kiss was enough to drown in. 

        “Yes,” Castiel whispered. Dean cupped his cheeks. And brought their lips together in a chaste kiss that forced all thoughts from Castiel’s mind. Dean’s scent, the warmth of his lips, it was all. All was Dean. Then Dean drew back and the cool night air flooded between them. Castiel bit off a whimper at the loss. 

      “Tell me I can see you again,” Dean pleaded. Castiel nodded, still unable to breath. The sensation of Dean lingered on his mouth. “Six o’clock on Tuesday?” Dean asked.

       “Yes,” Castiel said. He hoped his  _ please _ was omitted. He wasn’t allowed this. Dean was throwing a wrench in everything. Dean grinned and brought Castiel in for a parting hug that Castiel melted against. Dean then went back to his car and drove off. Castiel stood for a long while in the chill and the sound of the crashing sea. When he finally went inside, Gabriel was waiting to pounce on him with questions.

        “How was it, Cassie? Was it amazing? It was, wasn’t it? I told you Dean was different!”

        “I’m going to bed, Gabriel,” Castiel said wearily, but happily. Gabriel pouted. 

       “Fine, but you can’t escape me tomorrow!” Castiel just nodded and went to his room. And pulled out his paints, pencils, and inns and began to draw Dean from memory, and then paint him. Castiel rarely drew people, he vastly preferred animals and landscapes, but he spent all night on Dean. It was something in the way Dean said “ _ I’ll know them when I see them”  _ that made him beautiful. Dean called Castiel a mystery man, but Dean was an enigma. 

      When the painting was finished and dried, Castiel crawled under the covers of his bed. Enigma, he’d name the painting. For the man who was taking his locked-away heart and swallowing it whole. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

     The four day wait for Tuesday was filled with paints. Castiel mixed more gouache than he ever had in his life, and he created more in four days than he normally did in weeks. Nothing was safe. But he largely stuck to Luka and the sea. And Dean, of course, but Sam and Gabriel weren’t allowed to know that. 

      Castiel spent hours painting Dean in a thousand different ways, trying to capture the exact likeness of him. It was impossible. The eyes were never the correct shade, the jaw was never sharp enough and the stubble was always too stark for Dean’s honey-toned skin. 

        Behind that, Luka was also becoming the bane of Castiel’s existence. How hard was it to paint a dog? His breed was indeterminate but he closely resembled some form of a mastiff, so Castiel used pictures he found on Gabriel’s laptop for reference. But no matter how he looked at it, or how many times he drew canine skulls, or how long he researched anatomy, Castiel for the life of him could not get Luka’s face right. The muzzle obscured his jawline, but there was something  _ off _ about the structure beneath, as if it was too wide. Castiel asked both Gabriel and Sam about it, but they waved him off. 

        “You’re thinking too hard about my dog,” Gabriel said when Castiel brought it up over breakfast. Sam brought three mugs of steaming coffee for everyone and plopped down next to Gabriel. They shared an adoring good morning kiss, then Sam turned to Castiel. 

       “He just a dog, Cas. Maybe the muzzle is throwing you off.”

       “Well, you could remove the muzzle,” Castiel replied hopefully.

        “No one needs a dog bite,” Sam replied smoothly. Castiel sighed. 

        “Sam, please. Has Luka ever bitten anyone in his life?”

        “No, and that’s because we muzzle him,” Gabriel said flatly. End of discussion. Castiel grumbled under his breath, but what could he really say? Luka was not his. Castiel settled on painting Luka as he was not: a shadowy spectre dog, it’s jaw lost in the swirls of its smokey form. It made Luka look cruel and angry, so Castiel always gave him an apologetic petting session after a painting was finished. 

       Castiel painted the sea from the window in his bedroom. He loved its moodiness, it’s tumultuous grey and blues tipped in white. He longed to go right down onto to the beach and hear it, feel it, smell it while he painted, but he had not visited since the day he’d met Dean. There was something about the eviscerated shark that bothered him. It has been a massive beast, at least fourteen or fifteen feet long, and something had ripped it wide open. What could have done that? As much as Castiel itched to go back out to the sea, he had to consider his safety. 

     Tuesday rolled around with surprising speed. When six p.m. came around and Dean came knocking at Sam and Gabriel’s door, Castiel was still stained with paint and ink, sporting only a ratty hoodie and worn jeans. 

       “Dean.” Castiel’s cheeks pinked.  _ I hadn’t been expecting you  _ hovered on the tip of his tongue, but it sounded too blunt, even for him. “Time slipped away from me,” he said instead. Dean smiled anyway, and Castiel fought hard against giving in to the swooping sensation in his chest.

       “‘S okay. You look cute. I made a picnic. Is that okay?” Dean looked unbearably sweet holding up a wicker picnic basket for Castiel’s inspection. 

       “It’s fine,” Castiel said stiffly, unsure of how to move forward.

        “ _ Cassie _ ,” Gabriel shouted from behind them. Castiel turned and leveled a glare at his brother. 

        “What.” Flatly. 

         “You didn’t tell me there was a second date!” Gabriel pointed an accusing finger. Castiel rolled his eyes.

         “I didn’t realize I needed your permission.” He turned back to Dean. “Shall we go?”

         “You’re doing good, Dean-o! Keep at it!” Gabriel cheerleaded behind them. Dean held out an expectant hand. Castiel hesitated for a beat.  _ Get it together, this  _ is  _ a date _ . Castiel took Dean’s hand. Their fingers interlocked warmly and Castiel’s heart pounded in his chest. He allowed Dean to gently tug him away. Gabriel gave them a wolf whistle then shut the door behind them. 

         “Picnic, huh?” Castiel asked. He had always been terrible at small talk.

         “Thought we could watch the sunset,” Dean said with a smile, “the sunsets in Mercy are the prettiest in the world.”

          “Have you seen the rest of the sunsets of the world?” Castiel asked with a wry smile that couldn’t be helped. Dean turned to him, solemn.

         “I don’t have to. What’s the rest of the world got that Mercy doesn’t?”

         “You know, everyone here seems particularly fond of Mercy. Is this just a town full of homebodies?” Castiel asked, squeezing Dean’s fingers to take the edge off potential offense. Dean didn’t seem to take any. 

        “Mercy takes the wind out of your sails, I guess,” he replied with a shrug. 

        “I’ve always been a wanderer,” Castiel said. They strolled past the little trail down to the beach and up onto the high cliffs overlooking the water.  

         “Why?” Dean was so genuinely interested in Castiel, it nearly always took his breath away. What did this lovely thing want with him?

         “There was never anything worth staying for, I suppose,” Castiel said after a moment. 

         “Everyone needs a home,” Dean said with surety, “where’s yours?”

        “I was born in Baltimore,” Castiel supplied. Dean shook his head. 

        “I was born in Lawrence. Not what I meant. Mercy is home, this beach is home, my brother is home, my horses and dog, they’re home. Where’s your home, Cas?”

        “I don’t think I have one,” Castiel replied. His chest ached. He loved his brother, but they were still learning each other. His painting had always been an escape. He didn’t even remember what he was trying to run away from anymore. Castiel felt untethered and adrift in a wild sea. Had Dean just cut him loose from his delusions or had he always been this way? Searching for the next thing to temporarily fill the hole in his heart?

        “Easy,” Dean’s voice cut through his thoughts, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Dean set the basket down and engulfed Castiel in a hug he didn’t know how to fight. A hug he didn’t  _ want  _ to fight. 

        “I  _ can’t _ ,” Castiel insisted, thought he wasn’t sure what he was insisting for anymore. This was too goddamn nice and didn’t Castiel deserve nice once in a while?

        “Can’t what, sweetheart?” Dean gentled. Castiel shook himself and slipped out of Dean’s embrace.

       “Sorry,” Castiel muttered, “I’m not usually so easily upset.”

       “You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” Dean said. He bent down, opened the basket, and withdrew a blanket that he laid over the scruffy foliage near the edge of the cliff. “Come on, here’s the best spot.” Castiel sat down next to Dean. Dean withdrew a bottle of wine, strawberries, two carefully wrapped slices of cake and two burgers in tinfoil. 

      “You made this all yourself?” Castiel asked. Dean hurriedly shook his head. 

       “I got the strawberries from Donna’s patch, and I bought the cake from your brother. Also, the wine’s probably warm,” he added sheepishly. He pulled two plastic solo cups out of the basket. Castiel couldn’t help his guffaw. 

        “And I thought you liked me,” Castiel teased. Dean’s ears pinked.

       “I don’t have anything fancy, but—”

       “Dean.” Castiel laid a hand on his shoulder, “I was joking. I don’t care. Really.”

       “Then, can I present you with a fine red, good sir?” Dean poured them each a solo cup of wine. Castiel sniffed it, swirled his cup, then took a careful sip, rolling it on his tongue before swallowing slowly. Dean watched, seemingly enraptured. 

       “How do you know how to drink wine all fancy?” Dean asked.

        “I took a wine tasting class in college,” Castiel replied. He took a more relaxed sip of his wine. It was Dean’s turn to laugh.

      “Sounds like I need to go to college!”

      “You’ve never been?” Castiel was surprised. Dean shook his head good-temperedly.

       “Nah, Sammy was always the brains in the family. I’m just one of life’s grunt soldiers,” Dean said with a shrug. Castiel was shocked to hear Dean speak of himself in that way. Did he really think that lowly of himself? He had always come across so confidently. 

      “You never even took a course for husbandry?” Castiel asked. Dean looked confused for a moment then the answer clearly dawned on him. 

      “Oh, you mean horse breeding. I don’t think there’s a course out there for my horses,” Dean replied with a laugh.

        “But…”

        “Shh,” Dean handed Castiel a burger and tugged the strawberries between them, “look.” He pointed out across the sea. The sun set golden and liquid and reflected back up to the heavens. The sky turned a rich a vibrant pink while the clouds deepened into a purple that rivaled the inky black of true night. Something about the sunset tugged at Castiel. He felt drawn in and held by the gold and the pink. The sea was gentle and black, like it was waiting for something. 

        Dean and Castiel ate in silence. Castiel felt as though he couldn’t talk if he wanted to. He was caught up in this cusp. Mercy held her breath. Then the light began to fade. The moon rose and the stars began to peak out. It was still too bright to be called night just yet, but it was dusky and hazy. Castiel could hardly make Dean out. 

       He finished his burger, which had been very delicious and began to nibble on the strawberries. Dean topped off his wine and removed a phone from his pocket and used the flashlight function to find the long-forgotten cake slices. 

    Castiel was startled. Mercy seemed like a magical space beyond the rest of the world. Technology seemed out of place and strange.

       “I didn’t know I should have asked for your number,” Castiel said. Dean shook his head.

       “I really only use it for emergencies. I don’t have internet on it or unlimited whatever. Calls only,” he replied, “if there’s someone I want to see, I go find them.”

        “You know, I really was quite addicted to my phone before I came here,” Castiel said as the realization dawned on him. “I’m not even sure where it is.”

        “What do you do instead of rotting your brain on bullshit?” Dean asked. There was a little curve to his lips to let Castiel know he was half teasing. But the rest of he countenance was genuine in ways Castiel had never seen before Dean. 

        “I paint instead of learning how to paint,” Castiel said. Dean smiled slowly, like a nocturnal flower unfurling beneath the moon. 

        “What do you paint?”

        “The sea, mostly. Luka too,” Castiel said. He left  _ and you  _ off. Dean didn’t need to know about things Castiel hardly understood himself.

       “Luka, huh? I’m surprised he stands still enough,” 

       “It’s difficult. He keeps trying to lick me through his muzzle,” Castiel said, searching Dean’s mostly gloom shrouded face for answers he couldn’t find in Sam and Gabriel. 

      “They’re muzzling him all the time?” Dean’s brow furrowed. Castiel felt gratified.

      “At least, I’ve never seen him without it,” Castiel said, trying to quell his growing excitement.  _ Finally _ ! 

      “They must be worried he’ll bite you. Hell, I muzzle Abby for the same reason when I have guests,” Dean said. Castiel could hear him closing off.

     “But he’s just so friendly,” Castiel argued. Dean fumbled for Castiel’s hand in the dark. Castiel shied away. Dean pulled his hand back, slowly. 

      “Not everything is what it looks like,” Dean said.

      “Like your horses? Like whatever killed that  _ fucking _ shark?” Castiel nearly didn’t recognize his own voice. He rarely swore. 

      “Cas.” Dean's voice was soft, placating. 

       “ _ No _ , Dean! I came here to get away from...to get away. And all I get is more and more secrets,” Castiel’s voice was growing louder. That definitely wasn’t him. He never raised his voice. But he had never been so frustrated in his life. 

      “Mercy has secrets,” Dean said, “but so does everyone. So do you.” Castiel’s heart pounded in his chest.

       “Dean,” Castiel’s tone came out pleading. 

 “So yeah, maybe you don’t know everything about Mercy yet,” Dean continued, “but I feel like I don’t know the first thing about you.”

        “What?” That was far from what Castiel was expecting him to say. 

       “I mean, yeah, surface stuff, whatever. But you know everything that I love in the world. I only know your hobbies. Earlier I thought we were getting somewhere, but now I don’t know,” Dean said, sidling closer to Castiel. Castiel felt trapped. The desire to run rose in his throat. 

       “Dean,” he said desperately. 

       “Don’t run,” Dean whispered, leaning closer. That’s all Castiel wanted to do. He trembled with with the need of it. Dean reached out a hand and lightly pressed his fingertips to Castiel’s side and ghosted them over Castiel’s ribs. Dean pressed closer. 

      “Dean, please,” Castiel pleaded, “I don’t—”  _ know who I am _ danced on the edge of his lips. The half moon above them glittered over the sea and painted Dean’s eyes colorless and glossy. A predator, even if the gentle patterns his thumbs made told a different story. Castiel’s heart hammered, but not in fear. As his brain went wild, his body betrayed him. The warm surety of Dean’s body in front of him, the clean musky scent of him, all the promise he offered, it all whipped into a storm Castiel was all too ready to drown in. Beneath Dean’s gentle touch, Castiel’s muscles uncoiled themselves and his mind set itself on fire in panic. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t  _ breathe  _ with Dean’s warmth in his lungs. 

     “Do you want me to tell you who you are?” Dean’s voice was husky and sweet. He crowded ever closer and pressed his forehead to Castiel’s. Just hands and a head against him, and yet, this was the most intimate touch Castiel had ever experienced. He felt stripped bare and presented to Dean. The sea crashed in crescendo.

       “ _ Dean _ .” It was the only word Castiel could force from his unwilling throat. 

       “You’re stubborn as hell. You’re beautiful as anyone I’ve ever seen. You’re funny, and I don’t think you realize it. I want to kiss you so bad it hurts my chest.” Dean’s breath scudded over his lips in warm bursts. “Cas, you’re so smart and so good, I’ll never deserve you. But I want to try.” Dean pressed his lips to Castiel’s and Castiel’s brain froze. 

    The panic stopped. It was just Dean and his lips and the night. Somehow, Mercy always pervaded in everything, even a kiss, Dean lay back and tugged Castiel on top of him. His arms came to wrap Castiel in a soft hug. And they kissed. Castiel’s helpless mouth slacked and allowed Dean’s tongue to slide against his. He tasted the wine on Dean’s breath and just felt for once. There was no urge to run from this, only to delve deeper. It was just slow, lazy kissing, a teenage makeout session. No fumbling, no intention, just lips and tongue and when they got careless, teeth. 

         Castiel withdrew first, lips wet, panting for breath. Dean was smiling. Castiel couldn’t see him any longer in the first depths of night, but he could hear it in the whisper-laughs that came with Dean’s breaths. 

      The hole in Castiel’s chest had filled and he hadn’t even noticed until now. Now, when he was draped over Dean, recovering from kissing Dean. He he tried to jerk away, at once enthralled and terrified by the development. How could he stay here when running was all he knew? Dean’s arms tightened around him, effectively quelling his escape.

       “Don’t run away from this,” Dean said. Castiel allowed his head to drop. His chin tucked snugly against Dean’s shoulder and his nose hung just above the blanket that smelled like Dean. 

      “What is this?” Castiel asked. He felt wild and desperate. He felt so right, but how could that be right? Nothing was supposed to feel this good. Nothing had ever felt this good. And Castiel wasn’t allowed to fall in love. Right? Right? 

      “This is this,” Dean said, “it’s everything you’ll give me.”

       “Dean, I’m not…” Castiel broke off. What was he going to say? He wasn’t good enough? He wasn’t worthy? He didn’t know what to do and it was making him want to scream.

        “You are, Cas. You are. Please, give this a chance.” Dean pressed his lips to Castiel’s hair. 

        “I don’t know how,” Castiel whispered. It felt like he was admitting the worst secret.

        “You’ve never been in a relationship before?” Dean’s voice was tender and soft, like a blanket straight from the dryer. 

        “No, I have, I just…” emotion choked off the rest of Castiel’s words. Why was this so terrifying? It was just a man with a warm body and a lovely smile. Why was it so hard just to say yes to this? It was a  _ good _ thing, just like Gabriel kept insisting. 

       “Baby, I’ve got you. You don’t have to tell me yet. We’ll take our time. Let’s just try, okay?

       “Dean, I can’t promise anything,” Castiel said. Dean slowly and surely rubbed his back. 

       “Just promise you’ll try this, Cas. It’s all I ask,” Dean said.

       “Why do you want this—me—so badly?” Castied wondered. He felt Dean’s jaw muscles work to answer around a smile. 

        “I told you. You’re beautiful and funny and smart. And goddamn stubborn. I don’t know, Cas, I just have a feeling about you. I think you’re gonna make the world turn and I want to be there to see it. Plus, you’re a good kisser,” Dean said. Castiel batted at his shoulder.

        “Don’t objectify me,” he growled. Dean only chuckled. 

       “Well, it’s true!”

        “I’ll give this a try, Dean,” Castiel said seriously. Whatever it was, where was the harm in seeing where it went?

       “Good.” Dean rolled them so they were on their sides, facing each other. Dean kissed the tip of Castiel’s nose. “I’m a great boyfriend.”

      “We’ll have to see about that,” Castiel said drily. Dean drew him in for another kiss, on the lips this time.

      “I’ll show you.” He said playfully. Castiel somehow had a feeling he would. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

     The next morning was a new type of miracle for Castiel. Dean’s kiss still lingered on his lips and in his mouth. The scent of Dean was all over his paint stained hoodie. The warmth Dean’s hand provided Castiel last night still kept away the morning chill. 

       Castiel rose early. Earlier than usual for him at five-thirty in the morning, but he still got dressed, brushed his teeth and reached for his paints. It was different, painting today. Today, he felt like he had someone to paint  _ for _ , even under the extreme likelihood that Dean would never see Castiel’s paintings. It was all new and different. The world was turning in ways it hadn’t in years. Perhaps it never had. 

      Castiel was emboldened by the morning, emboldened by the fact that he was alive and Dean kissed him, he gathered his already made gouache, paper, brushes and the easel Sam had gifted him with, and set off. Today, no shark body was going to distract him or scare him off. Today he would paint the sea where the sea was meant to be painted. 

      Luckily for him, Luka was already awake. As Castiel approached him, he just flopped over of a belly rub that Castiel obliged, and remained silent and sleepy as Castiel slipped out the door. No nagging Gabriel or worried Dean to tell him to stop. Just him and all the beach had to offer this morning. 

    Castiel made quick work of the walk down to the sea. He set himself up with a collapsible chair he’d found and pilfered, his easel and his paper and paints. It was a little awkward, holding his paints in his lap and trying not to let anything spill as he craned his neck around the easel to see his subject.

       The sea was lovely this morning. Still and quiet, with mist hanging tantalizing over the water. These foggy mornings were quickly growing on Castiel. It was not so thick that you couldn’t see, but the cold, and vague dampness hung in the air like a promise. Castiel loved it even better when the air was filled with the scent of salt and the gentle roll of the waves provided a quiet symphony in the background. 

      It was an utter joy to paint the ocean today. The greys, the blues, the occasional addition of a brighter color, it was all turning out better than he could have hoped. His layers were smooth and his paints captured more and more of the sea with every stroke of Castiel’s laden brush. 

     A sound broke him from his creative trance. It was so abrupt and quiet, he wasn’t sure he had even really heard anything at all. It was like a fish’s fin gently breaking the surface of the water. Castiel turned to watch the placid-looking water. Perhaps it had been a hunting shark. 

     But the water gave no sign of a shark’s fin, or a seabird, or a bait ball, or any other logical thought that came to Castiel’s mind. Instead, two long teardrop ears broke the surface. Followed by a long equine face. Castiel was stunned. The horse paid him no mind. It rose steadily from the water, pale gray as the mist that hung over the ebbing and flowing sea. It stepped higher and higher out of the water, giving Castiel a full view of its long limbs and spectacularly graceful body. The paint brush fell from Castiel’s fingers. It dropped forgotten with a soft thud in the wet sand. The horse turned. It was nearly out of the water now, standing only in the surf that lapped and sucked around its ankles and hooves.

        Castel‘s jaw slacked. The horse watched him with massive, luminous eyes that Castiel had only seen before in a documentary about sharks that lived deep in the sea where no sunlight could reach. The horse’s ears pricked forward. At once it’s face morphed into something that was both equine and lupine. It seemed completely unafraid of Castiel, and it stepped forward, crouching oddly, like a wolf hunting a deer. Castiel was frozen. How could he move when a horse rose from the sea and stalked towards him like it was looking for a meal? It’s muscles shuddered with anticipation. It peeled back it’s lips to reveal long canines and sharp cuspids, ready to tear something apart as it took one more step forward. It lowered its head. Everything about it screamed predatory interest, but Castiel could not tear his eyes away. What was the strange horse? Where had it come from? Why had it crawled from the sea? Castiel had heard of myths of horses that dragged sailors to their deaths, but never in his life had he believed the stories were true. How could it be true? They were  _ myths _ .

          The deep, rhythmic, earth-beating sound of hoofbeats began on top of the cliffs. Castiel heard the sound, but it did not move him. Nothing could move him as he stared the pale horse in the eyes. All he could do was watch as the horse stalked forward and treated him to another bloody grin. Castiel was reminded suddenly of the shark that had washed up on the beach. He had found the murderer and he was staring down the murder weapon.

     “Hey!” Castiel was snapped out of his entrancement by the sound of Dean’s voice. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dean, astride a massive black horse. Even galloping as it was, he could see the horse’s odd blue eyes. Dean swung off the horse and allowed it it charge forward and meet the pale one. Dean raced over to Castiel and wrapped him in a tight hug. 

       “Stay still and stay quiet,” he breathed in Castiel’s ear. 

        “Dean, what—”

        “Please, Cas, listen to me.” They turned slowly and watched as Dean’s black horse rose on to its hind legs, hooves striking the air, and began to loose an unholy scream. The pale horse pinned its ears flat to its head. The black horse brought its hooves down hard, then lunged its head forward, snakelike, and tore into the chest of the pale horse. This time, the pale horse screamed, but instead of the angry war cry of the black horse, it cut off into a pained moan. The black horse came away with a mouthful of flesh and the once pristine misty grey of the pale horse got mottled in an angry red, bloody smear. Castiel’s stomach turned unpleasantly and he pressed closer to Dean. His mind filled with questions but he held them. He didn’t want to attract the attention of the fighting beasts. The black horse pricked its ears forward and calmly chewed the flesh in its mouth. The pale horse, with pinned ears and a lowered head, slowly and gracefully sank back into the surf till the sea swallowed it whole. 

      “Blue,” Dean said, commanding and low. The black horse turned toward them. It snorted then slowly stepped out of the surf and walked toward them. Castiel’s heart stopped. The horse looked like a monster. A shadow-black monster with incredible blue eyes and a bloody mouth. It had  _ eaten  _ the other horse.  _ Alive _ . 

     “Dean.” Castiel could hear his heart pounding in his ears, “What is that?”

     “Cas, I’m gonna tell you everything,” Dean promised, “I will. But not here. It’s not safe on the beach.” Castiel couldn’t argue with that. Dean quickly helped him gather his paints, and brush, and art, and easel, then took his arm and pulled him close.

     “Dean, I don’t…” Castiel tossed a worried look at the horse—Blue.

     “You shouldn’t trust him, but I won’t let him do anything,” Dean said.

     “How could you stop him?” Castiel asked. How could anything stop those creatures? They were magnificent and and horrible. How could one man even begin to hold something like that back? 

       “This.” Dean presented to Castiel an iron ring that he wore. 

        “What the hell? I thought this was all...how can it be…”

       “ _ Cas,”  _ Dean said.

        “Dean, I can’t…” Castiel’s couldn’t process. He couldn’t understand what was going on. These monsters turned his world on its ear. What other monsters existed? What was real anymore?

     “I’ll tell you. Just go to Gabe and Sammy’s house. I’ll meet you there, I promise,” Dean said.

      “Promise you won’t just evade me again?” Castiel asked. He knew he sounded petulant, but he was just so fucking sick of his questions being danced around. Especially now with that nightmare thing standing just off to his right, restless and hungry.

     “I promise,” Dean repeated, sealing it with a quick kiss to Castiel’s lips and pushing Castiel forward with a gentle hand. “Go on. Get. I’ll be right behind you.” Dean fearlessly clambered back onto the horse. 

      Castiel got. He ran back to Gabriel and Sam’s house, his things banging into his sides with every stride, and he swore that he had never in his life ever run faster. He raced up the trail that lead to the beach, fled from the cliff and darted straight up the stairs and into the door of the house. He dropped his things with a clatter because his shaking arms couldn’t hold them any longer, startling Luka who began to bark wildly. 

       “Cassie, what the hell?” Gabriel ran out of his room with Sam hot on his heels. He stopped when he saw Castiel’s trembling body and what Castiel imagined to be a wild, wild look in his eyes. 

      “What happened, Cas?” Sam asked slowly. He looked like he was gearing up for another fake answer. Castiel’s bewilderment and fear fought his immediate rage. Rage won. 

 

        “What do you mean Sam? Could it have been that I came across horses that were trying to kill me?“ Castiel asked sarcastically.

 

       “You saw horses?“ Gabriel asked in concern. Castiel tried very hard not to roll his eyes at his brother.

 

      “I don’t know what I saw. They were certainly horses. With giant fucking wolf teeth. Dean came and his horse  _ ate _ part of the other horse. I don’t know what the hell that was. I didn’t think monsters are real. I thought monsters were people and you learned that fact when you grew up. What did I see? I’d like to know that myself,” Castiel seethed.

      “Hey, calm down there, Cassie,” Gabriel gentled. 

       “You shouldn’t worry about it,” Sam added calmly. “Like you said, you don’t know what you saw.”

       “Don’t give me that bullshit, Sam,” Castiel spat, “I know what I saw. I just don’t know what it means. I’m begging you, as your brother-in-law, please tell me what’s going on here?”

       “One day,” Sam promised, “I will. Right now, just calm yourself down and next time, don’t go down to the beach.”

       “I’m not a child,” Castiel growled. Sam held his hands up, palms out, in a placating gesture that only served to anger Castiel further. 

      “You’re not. Gabe and I know you’re not. But we aren’t treating you like a child, Cas. We’re just trying to look out for our family.”

      “Cassie, I couldn’t imagine anything happening to you.” Gabriel said pleadingly. He sounded close to tears. Internally, Castiel deflated a little bit. Gabriel had never liked fights. Castiel had always considered it a phobia, and he was guilty about bringing this one to his brother’s home. But he deserved answers, didn’t he? He deserved them. He did. 

    There was a knock at the door. Gabriel jumped and ran around Castiel to open it. Castiel didn’t turn. 

     “Hey there, Dean-o,” Gabriel greeted politely. Castiel felt a smile spread slowly across his face. Dean was keeping his promise. 

      “Dean, no. I know that look.” Sam raised a warning finger. 

      “He deserves answers, Sam,” Dean said wearily. Even the idea of fighting with Sam weighed heavy on him. Castiel could hear it in his voice. Empathy flooded through Castiel’s heart. He felt the same way about fights with Gabriel. 

       “No he doesn’t. Not yet,” Sam argued. Gabriel looked pained, but he held his silence.

       “Hey, sweetheart,” Dean sidled up close and pressed a loving kiss into Castiel’s temple that he couldn’t help but lean into.

      “Dean, just because you think you love him…” Sam trailed off. Dean’s ears went stop sign red.

      “First off, don’t attack my feelings for Cas. Second off, I’m telling him everything. It’s not up for discussion, Sammy, I’m sorry,”

       “Dean, we don’t know what he’ll do. What if he’s another Lisa?”

       “That’s my little brother you’re talking about,” Gabriel cut in darkly. 

       “And besides, Cas isn’t even in the same realm as Lisa. He’s already taking it better than she ever could have. Lisa was unstable anyway. The horses didn’t do that to her,” Dean replied flatly. Sam bunched his shoulder muscles.

   “You’re making a bad choice,” Sam said angrily. Dean shrugged him off coldly. 

    “Yeah well. I’m betting on Cas anyway. C’mon, sweetheart. I’ve got something you’ve gotta see.” And with that, Dean looped his arm through Castiel’s and guided him out the door. There was no car waiting, just a walk ahead of them. 

      “Where are we going?” Castiel asked. 

       “My place,” Dean replied. Castiel’s interest was immediately perked. But he swallowed it down. There were more important things to focus on. 

      “Who’s Lisa?” Castiel asked after a while. He gauged Dean’s reaction, but he didn’t even flinch. 

      “Ex of mine.” Dean said easily. 

      “What happened?” Castiel bit his lip.

      “Couldn’t handle the truth. Not many people can.”

       “Why are you so convinced I’ll be able to?” Castiel asked. 

       “Because you’re just like everything here, Cas. Wild and beautiful. People can always understand what they are,” Dean replied with so much confidence Castiel almost started to believe him. 

       “I don’t feel wild and beautiful,” he mumbled around a blush.

       “Neither do the horses,” Dean said with a wry smile.

    The walk to Deans house only took about twenty minutes. And when the reached it, Castiel was relieved somehow that it was far less grand than Gabriel’s. But the stables and arenas and tracks out behind it made it a thing to behold. Dean lead him up the humble stoop and fumbled with keys in his pocket for a moment. There was a deep and familiar bark on the other side of the door. 

       “Abby’s not quite like Luka,” Dean said by way of explanation, “she’s just a little calmer.” Dean finally got the proper keys in the proper locks and was able to jiggle the door open. Within sat a dog that looked very nearly like Luka. Except she was charcoal grey and completely unmuzzled. Castiel eyed her carefully. Her jaw still didn’t configure with what he had seen all his life. 

    “C’mere, baby,” Dean said with a happy, unguarded grin as he crouched down, “give Daddy his hello kisses!” The dog wiggled her stumpy tail and proceeded to do just that. From three feet away. Her mouth opened wide and Castiel understood why Luka’s jaw never painted well. The jaw was horizontal. Her mouth opened like a crab claw, with rows upon rows of glistening doggy teeth. A long, abnormal tongue unfurled and lapped happily at Dean’s face. Then, unexpectedly it turned on Castiel. And it felt like a normal dog tongue, just from three feet away. And from a dog with inverted jaws.

         “Abby and Luka are hellhounds,” Dean explained, “Crowley’s a demon and he breeds them for people around here.”

        “ _ What? _ ” Castiel demanded. 

        “Mercy is run all over with these things called ley lines,” Dean continued

        “Like energy sources?” Castiel clarified.

        “More like hotspots for the occult. It’s just a very good spot for very weird shit,” Dean corrected. 

       “So there are demons and hellhounds.” It would have felt more strange but Castiel had seen the horses. He had seen Abby. “What did I see on the beach?” Castiel asked. He felt tingly after asking the question. It was one he’d been dying to get out since he’d been in Mercy, he just hadn’t known how to phrase it. 

      “They  _ are _ horses. Everywhere has a different lore for them. Water horses, kelpie,  _ capall uisce _ , all describe the same thing,” Dean said. Castiel nodded slowly. 

       “Horses that want to eat you.”

       “Kinda. No more than a hungry lion wants to eat you.” Dean tipped his hand from side to side. Abby, apparently deciding Castiel to be a friend, flopped down on his shoes. 

       “That pale horse wanted to kill me,” Castiel pointed out. Dean nodded. “But Blue didn’t. Why not?”

         “Blue is what he is. He’ll always be dangerous, but with training, anything can be made to not want to eat you,” Dean said.

         “You don’t admit to taming him.” It was a statement.

        “Of course not. He could kill me at a moment’s notice. Every once in a while he tries.”

        “What doesn’t he succeed? Like you said, it’s in his nature. You couldn’t hold him back if he really made an attempt to kill you. Besides, you’d be a tasty morsel, I’m sure.” Castiel smiled at his own innuendo. 

        “I never took you for a gutter-brain, Cas.” Dean was also grinning. “Because he doesn’t have to. I feed him, I clean him, I give him plenty of mares, and I let him run. What more could an animal ask for?”

       “Is that what he is?” Castiel wasn’t sure that carnivorous horses that rose from the sea where strictly animals. 

       “Sure. Just an animal you haven’t seen before.” Dean was talking about something he loved. Castiel could tell from the crinkling at the corners of his eyes.

       “Are they endangered? Are they safe to be selling for racing?” It suddenly dawned on Castiel that Dean was sharing his creatures with other people.      

        “To your first question: I don’t know. It’s not like there’s studies out there on water horses. As for your second question, I don’t sell water horses. I sell their offspring with normal horses. I don’t know how it all works exactly, but regular horses have a more dominant gene. You don’t get predatory babies. Just fast ones with a love of water.” Dean smiled, clearly thinking of his foals. 

       “Shouldn’t there be studies? By real scientists?” Castiel couldn’t fathom such animals  _ not  _ being studied. 

        “No. They ruin animals that way. They gotta publish all the shit they think they know. Then people know about them and kill them and mistreat them. No one can know, Cas. They’re Mercy’s secret.”

        “Do your buyers know?”

         “Nope, or they would sell them out.”

         “Is that what Sam doesn’t want me to know?” Castiel felt bad about their fight.

         “Partly,” Dean said, “partly he was trying to protect me.”

          “From what?” Castiel’s heart sank. 

          “He knows I I can’t love anybody who can’t love my horses. They’re my life,” Dean said with a weak smile, “monsters do well with monsters.” Castiel reached out to twine his fingers with Dean’s.  _ You’re no monster _ , Castiel said without words. Somehow he knew Dean wouldn’t want to hear it. Dean squeezed his hand. 

         “How can you breed a water horse with a normal horse. Wouldn’t they be food to the water horses?” Castiel changed the subject. 

         Dean’s grin was terrible. “A bitch in heat is a bitch in heat.” Castiel frowned at that. It all sort of made sense in an odd way. They were just new animals. 

         “Is there anything else in this town I should know about?”

        “No. But now I wanna know about you,” Dean said. He led Castiel to an old and overstuffed sofa. Abby grumbled when her resting spot moved away from her. Dean ignored her and plopped down on the sofa, dragging Castiel with him.

       “You know me,” Cas spluttered. 

       “No,” said Dean, “I don’t.”

        “Well, what do you want to know?”

        “Why you run.” Dean’s voice was ernest and soft. Castiel sighed.

        “That’s not an easy answer.”

         “I don’t want easy. I want you. Sad and flighty, as you are.” Dean pressed closer and Castiel kissed his lips.

         “My exes were bad. Stalkers, all three of them. My parents don’t like homosexuality. I’ve never quite found a place where I belong.”

        “Mercy’s a town full of monsters,” Dean said, “and we love them. I think we have a space in our hearts for an angel too.”

          “What about your heart?” Castiel asked.

          “My heart’s yours. You tell me what it feels,” Dean said. Castiel snuggled against him. 

           “Only if you tell me about mine.” This time when they kissed, it felt more real than ever before. Dean was the only one who didn’t want to lie to Castiel. Dean gave him only truth. San Diego suddenly felt even farther away. Maybe Mercy was more than a summer trip. 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

      “Come on,” Dean said softly, after they’d kissed for several minutes.

       “Where?” Castiel asked, though it didn’t matter. In this moment, he would have followed Dean anywhere. 

       “To the stables. I don’t want you to be afraid of them,” Dean said. Castiel’s cheeks heated. The gesture was sweet and a sign of Dean’s affection, but it still felt like his man card was being stolen away in the face of Dean’s fearlessness. 

       “Is it that obvious?” He asked. Dean didn’t respond to that. Instead he stood and tugged Castiel up after him. 

       “Only one way to fix that,” he said with a smile. He pulled Castiel through the house and out the back door. There was a large and overgrown yard that Castiel immediately fell in love with. 

        “You don’t garden?” Castiel asked. He couldn’t imagine having a yard like this one and not keeping in beautiful. 

         “Nah, I’m not patient. Plus, I think Abby likes stalking squirrels in the bushes.”

       “That’s awful. Does she catch them?” Castiel said in disgust. 

       “If she does, she eats them. I’ve never seen a dead one,” Dean said thoughtfully. Castiel shuddered. 

       “What a little heathen,” he commented mock-darkly. Dogs would be dogs. Dean shook his head in denial even as he smiled at Castiel’s statement.

        “She’s not a heathen. She’s a  _ baby _ ,” Dean said emphatically. Castiel smiled and bumped shoulders with Dean. They walked out the back gate and shut it behind them. Dean locked it securely. 

       “Does Abby get along with the horses?” Castile asked. 

       “Not at all. I thought I could get them to get along if I raised Abby next to them, but they bullied her as a puppy and now she’s big enough to do damage,” Dean said. They walked a little past the yard and then the landscape opened up into green hills, and pens, and barns. Horses grazed on grass that was fenced off to keep them off the edge of the cliffs. It was beautiful and peaceful, and Castiel’s heart felt full with it. 

      From behind the largest barn, a young redheaded woman leading a dun horse came out to greet them. 

      “Hey, Dean,” she called. Dean raised his free hand. 

      “Hey, Charlie.” He smiled. Charlie came closer and the horse allowed itself to be lead with slow, docile steps. 

     “I’m—” Castiel started.

      “You must be Castiel,” Charlie said excitedly, “Dean’s  _ boyyyyfrienddd _ .”

       “Shut up,” Dean growled without malice. 

       “He never shuts up about you,” Charlie said with a shit-eating grin. 

       “Am I on your mind that often?” Castiel asked with a sly grin. Dean groaned good naturedly.

       “Not you too!” He griped. Castiel and Charlie shared a look. A happy feeling of burgeoning friendship filled his chest. 

      “Nice to meet you, Castiel,” Charlie said. 

      “I should have never let you two meet!” Dean whined. 

      “How dare you try to keep me from my best friend duties,” Charlie said primly. She gave an exaggerated sniff. At that moment, the dun horse raised its head and began to lip at Dean’s chest. 

     “Don’t you start!” Dean scratched the horse’s cheek anyway. 

    “He’s a big softie,” Charlie stage-whispered conspiratorially to Castiel, “he always brings her treats.”

     “I can hear you,” Dean grumbled. Castiel couldn’t suppress a laugh. 

      “I like softies,” Castiel said. And it was true. He’d had enough bullies and bad boys for a lifetime. Dean’s sweetness was a refreshing change. 

     “Do that again, and you can make fun of me for the rest of your life,” Dean said, a slow sappy smile spreading across his face like a warm ray of sunshine. It made Castiel’s heart beat itself numb against his ribs. 

     “There they are,” Charlie said heartily, “Gabe texted me about you two making heart eyes at each other.”

      “What have I told you about texting him? He’s a bad influence,” Dean said sternly, wagging a pointed finger. 

      “Whatever,  _ Mom _ . You don’t rule my life,” Charlie smiled serenely and slammed her shoulder into Dean’s with a laugh. The horse who had been hopefully nudging at Dean’s pockets snorted in distaste, which made Dean laugh. 

      “Alright, later bitches,” Charlie said, mirth still coloring her tone. She clicked her tongue at the horse. “C’mon, Kahleesi,” she cooed. 

      “Is that her name?” Castiel asked with a smirk. He’d never been around horses, so he wasn’t sure what the protocol was, but he laid a hesitant hand on her forehead anyway. 

     “Her registered name is Winchester’s Mother of Dragons,” Dean said, “but that’s a hell of a mouthful.”

       “Oh, I meant to tell you,” Charlie cut in, “she’ll be going into season soon.”

       “We’ll pair her with Lars. He always makes winners,” Dean said, taking on an authoritative tone. Charlie nodded.

       “Aye, aye, Cap’n!” Charlie said, throwing one hand up in the ta’al from Star Trek. 

      “You know that’s a greeting salute, right?” Castiel said. Charlie pointed triumphantly at Castiel. 

       “He’s my new best friend. See you around, Castiel!” She crowed. With another click of her tongue Kahleesi plodded after Charlie as she lead her to a different pasture. Castiel squinted. He didn’t see how such a slow horse bore racehorses. 

     “Don’t let her fool you,” Dean warned, “she’s lazy, but she’s like a whip when she runs.”

      “I take it she isn’t a water horse?” Castiel confirmed.

      “No. No, c’mon. We’re getting to them,” Dean said. He took Castiel’s hand and tugged him toward a large barn off the main one. They entered and heads turned to look at them. Horses eyed them with a predatory interest. When they realized it was just Dean, they turned back to their daily doings. Some ate from bloody buckets. Some laid down to rest. Others pinned their ears and squabbled across the the barn. It was normal animal behavior. Castiel had expected many things walking into a barn of water horses, but normalcy was the most jarring. Dean lead Castiel through the barn and selected Blue, the black stallion Castiel had met earlier. He still looked like a nightmare, but there was something striking about him. Something Castiel itched to paint. 

      “You ever ridden before?” Dean asked. He pulled a halter off a nearby wall and pulled it over Blue’s head. 

      “No,” said Castiel, “my mother hated all animals except pre-butchered ones.”

      “Shame,” Dean replied, “they’re the wisest things on earth.”

      “Why do you ask?” Castiel narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

      “Generally, learning to ride on a water horse is a bad idea. But I’ve never been known for my good ones,” Dean said. 

      “You want me to ride one?” Castiel’s voice came out in an undignified squeak. 

       “You can’t be afraid of something after you’ve ridden on its back,” Dean replied. He clipped a rope underneath Blue’s chin and opened the stall door. Blue stepped out immediately and trailed after Dean as he went and took a white horse out of its stall. 

       “I’ll put you on Epona,” Dean said. He looked magnificent and proud standing between the black and white horses. Castiel once again yearned for his paints. Dean lead his horses out of the barn and to a nearby shed where he saddled and bridled them. He tied Blue up on a rail on the shed and held the white horse’s—Epona’s—reins. She danced around constantly, always shifting and never stopping. Castiel reached out a hand and rested it on her flank. Her muscles jumped beneath his fingers. Her fur was flat and smooth as a seal’s over her warm skin and she smelled of the sea. In spite of himself, Castiel found that he wanted to continue to stroke her. 

          “Now what?” He asked Dean. 

          “Now you hop on. This is as still as she’s gonna get,” Dean replied. 

          “How do I get on?” Castiel felt embarrassed by his lack of knowledge. How stupid he must have sounded in front of Dean’s glaringly obvious surety. 

        “Put your foot in the stirrup and use the momentum to swing into the saddle,” Dean explained patiently. Castiel followed instructions unsteadily. It was easier said than done with an ever-moving mount, but Castiel managed to clamber into the saddle, even if he did so gracelessly. Dean handed him the reins. 

       “Dean,” Castiel said worriedly. He was far out of his depth. There was a massive white killing machine between his legs and he didn’t know what to do with her. It felt dangerous to give her control. 

       “Pull back on the reins to make her stop. Pull the right rein to have her turn right and the left to have her go left. Heels to her sides to get her to go. But don’t do anything just yet. Do the stirrups feel okay?”

        “Yes, Dean,” Castiel replied. He bit his lip. Dean smiled reassuringly at him. He untied Blue with ease and swung into the saddle like he had been born for it. Astride Blue, Dean looked as strong as a centaur, like he and the horse were one. 

     “Press your heels to her sides and click your tongue at her,” Dean instructed. Castiel did so and Epona leapt into a smooth flowing walk that Dean and Blue mirrored. It was an odd, light feeling, like flying, only he could feel Epona’s powerful movements beneath him. He stroked her neck to feel her smooth seal like skin. She wickered softly. 

      “She’s lovely,” Castiel marveled. 

      “She’s placating you,” Dean corrected, “don’t forget she can tear you limb from limb. Don’t get complacent. You’re in control, not the other way around. But,” Dean said conspiratorially, “she is lovely.” Blue gave a soft sound and arched his neck magnificently. 

       “What’s he doing?” Castiel asked. 

        “Showing off for the pretty lady,” Dean replied. “I think he needs a distraction,” he gestured to the open hills of green, “she should follow us, but remember you’re in control. You can love her all you want, but don’t trust her.” And with that Dean dug his heels into Blue’s sides and the stallion leapt into a gallop. After a moment and without Castiel’s bidding, Epona charged after him. 

      If Castiel has thought walking on a horse had been like flight, he had another think coming. Epona was fast enough to steal his breath, gaining on Blue until they matched each other stride for stride and getting quicker with each one. Her sides moved like a bellows between Castiel’s legs and her incredible pace made him feel freer and more alive than he’d ever felt in his life. He heard Dean laugh beside him. The hoofbeats drowned out all the rest of the world. Suddenly, none of Castiel’s insecurities or worries mattered. It was just him and Dean and the nightmare horses.

      After what seemed like hours, Dean brought Blue to a drawn out halt that Epona followed in kind. Castiel was breathing hard, feeling like he’d just run a marathon, even though that honor went to Epona. 

     “I never get used to it,” Dean said with a bright grin. He looked absurdly happy. 

     “Can we do that again?” Castiel asked breathlessly. 

      “Not so afraid of them, are you?” Dean asked sincerely, but there was an undertone of joy. He already knew. 

      “I love them. I just don’t trust them not to eat me at the first chance,” Castiel replied. Dean nodded understandingly.

       “I trust Blue more than most,” he confessed. “I shouldn’t trust them at all.”

      “It’s kind of sweet that you do,” Castiel said.

       “Monsters gotta trust monsters I guess,” Dean said. 

        “Wild and rare things understand wild and rare things,” Castiel corrected, “and sometimes, they understand scared men who run away.”

       “Can they get those guys to stop running?” Dean asked carefully, “I think sometimes the wild things might need some caution in their life.”

        “I think they’re succeeding,” Castiel said. He was surprised that the words came out honest and true. He really wanted stability here with Dean. Dean grinned and sidled Blue up right next to Epona so he could give Castiel a loving, open-mouthed kiss that Castiel returned. 

       “Does this mean we’re boyfriends?” Dean whispered, “like for real? Not just Charlie butting in where she doesn’t belong?”

        “For real,” Castiel said sagely. He tried desperately to keep a smile off his lips, but he couldn’t.

        “I know Gabe mentioned you going back to San Diego after summer. I really don’t do the long distance thing, Cas,” Dean said. His voice was gruff and careless, but Castiel heard him. Dean said  _ don’t go, I’d miss you  _ with his body language. He rarely spoke his feelings, but Castiel was getting better and better and seeing them written on his skin. He scratched Epona’s ears. 

       “I don’t think distance will be our problem,” Castiel said. Dean grinned. 

        “Race you back to the barn?” He asked. Castiel smiled wide and felt Epona dance energetically. 

        “You’re on.”


	7. Chapter 7

   Back at Dean’s house, Castiel became acutely aware of his stench. The horses had been lathered in sweat by the time they got back to the barn and with every touch it soaked into Castiel. It was an oddly rank smell, like the sea, only on a living, meat-eating animal. As Castiel wandered through the living room, he felt starkly smelly against the woody, homey, Dean-smelling house. Dean didn’t seem to mind, though. He sidled up right behind Castiel and pressed a gentle kiss to his shoulder. Castiel startled at the unexpected affection, but he leaned back against Dean’s chest. Perhaps Dean was smelly too. Castiel couldn’t tell. He was far too busy feeling the solidness of Dean behind him and the tickle of Dean’s hair against his neck. 

      “Could I borrow your shower?” Castiel asked. Dean made a thoughtful noise at the back of his throat. He looked his arms beneath Castiel’s and around his middle so that Castiel’s spine moulded against Deans front. Dean nuzzled Castiel’s neck. 

        “For my boyfriend? I guess so,” Dean said, voice dripping with sugar even as he teased Castiel. Castiel was surprised that he didn’t have something to fire back. He was simply too giddy at being called Dean’s boyfriend. The horseback ride must have been magical, Castiel decided. The need to run was gone. All he wanted was this here with Dean. 

        “And perhaps a change of clothes?” Castiel ventured. He wasn’t sure he was ready to be engulfed in something Dean owned, even as the words left his mouth. Dean lifted his head and smiled against Castiel’s cheek. 

       “Yeah, just leave your clothes outside the bathroom and I’ll throw ‘em in the wash,” Dean said. He pulled away and Castiel missed his warmth as he always did. Castiel was starting to wonder if this was healthy. How could he miss the feel of Dean’s skin when Dean himself was only a few inches away? Dean grinned like he didn’t feel it, which broke Castiel’s heart in a small way he wasn’t sure was possible. 

      “Bathroom’s down the hall,” Dean said. His fingers found the small of Castiel’s back and Castiel was helpless against the tide of affection the rise within him. Reluctantly, he stepped away from Dean and found the bathroom. He took off his clothes and neatly folded them before shutting the door and taking his shower. 

       The water pressure was nice and the heat did wonderful things to his tired muscles, but there was something incredible about using Dean’s body wash and shampoo. Castiel was engulfed in the clean, masculine scent of Dean.  _ Engulfed _ . He could barely smell his own skin beneath the soap. Castiel wanted to curl up in a little ball and let everything he was feeling wash over him. Warm water and Dean-smell. What could possibly be more beautiful than that?

       Eventually, though, Castiel did have to get out of the shower. He dried himself off with Dean’s towel and upon peeking around the bathroom door discovered sweatpants and a worn Led Zeppelin tee-shirt waiting on him. Castiel redressed in his own boxers and stepped into Dean’s clothes. They were an imperfect fit and hung off him in some odd places, but they were also soft, and warm, and smelled of Dean, so Castiel loved them. Castiel padded barefoot out into the living room where Dean was waiting for him. Dean grinned when he saw Castiel. 

      “Lookin’ good, sweetheart!” Dean strode over to Castiel and pressed a happy kiss on his lips. 

      “Thank you,” Castiel replied with a small smile. His heart sang at Dean’s praise. 

       “I guess I better go clean up too. I’m pretty ripe.” Dean nuzzled Castiel’s cheek and pressed a kiss there. A blush warmed the spot where Dean’s lips touched. “Abby’ll keep you company. I won’t take long.” Dean sauntered down the hall, leaving Castiel to himself. 

      Castiel plopped down on the sofa, forewent turning on the television, and found a dog-eared copy of  _ Slaughterhouse Five _ to entertain himself with. The cover of the book was tattered, worn, and clearly well read and loved. Castiel smiled to himself. He tucked his legs on the couch and began to read. That was, until Abby decided his lap was to be her new bed and sprang up against Castiel, wiggling happily. 

      Castiel chuckled and set the book aside to give her a scratch. She opened her horizontal jaws wide and puffed terrible doggy breath in Castiel’s face. Her stumpy tail thumped wildly in delight and he rubbed her nubby ears. Abby was by no means a small dog. Though she would have been slighter and shorter than Luka, she still must have been nearing the hundred pound mark. She stood up and pressed Castiel firmly down into the sofa all the while lapping contentedly at his face. Castiel struggled to get out from under her, but she held him firm. Castiel was convinced it was his fate to drown in slobber when Dean’s sharp voice said,

       “ _ Abby _ !” She jumped off and Castiel heaved a long breath and sat up. 

      “Thank you,” Castiel said. He tried to flatten his hair back down to a normal state. 

       “She can be a menace,” Dean replied. Castiel blinked hard and finally looked at Dean. And swallowed thickly. Dean’s hair was wet and spiked from the shower and he was clad only in a towel that was wrapped tightly around his hips. Abby was sitting in front of him, slumped in contrition, but Castiel was only barely aware that she was there. His mind zeroed in on Dean’s hard-muscled body and the smirk that tugged at his wonderfully lovely lips. Castiel’s cock stirred and swelled against his thigh. His cheeks heated in embarrassment and he shifted to try and conceal himself better. 

       “She’s fine,” Castiel choked out, hoping Dean would overlook the dryness in his throat. Perhaps he’d even chalk it up to Abby’s loving attack. No such luck. Dean’s smirk deepened and he quirked his eyes so charmingly Castiel heart stuttered. 

     “See something you like, big boy?” Dean asked. His voice was lower and more playful.

      “Dean,” Castiel said. 

      “Abby, go lay down,” Dean commanded. Abby slunk sulkily to her bed in the corner. Dean went to sit beside Castiel on the sofa and threaded his fingers through Castiel’s. It was so  _ hard _ not to lean into Dean and feel his shower warmed chest. 

        “Dean,” Castiel pleaded. He didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Dean squeezed his hand. 

      “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, sweetheart,” Dean said. His countenance was ernest and sweet. Castiel tried his best to resist the pull of Dean, but he couldn’t. He should have known better than that. He hadn’t been able to resist the pull of Dean since the day they met. When it came to Dean, Castiel was the moth to his flame. So Castiel couldn’t help himself when he melted into Dean’s side. He felt gratified when Dean wrapped his arm around him.

       “Are you sure we aren’t moving too quickly?” Castiel asked. 

       “We’re moving at our pace,” Dean replied, “this is our relationship. It’s up to us.” Castiel pressed his cheek against Dean’s warm shoulder. He  _ did  _ want this. He wanted Dean, in every way he could have him. Even if he was scared, Dean made him want to be brave. 

       “In that case…” Castiel pressed his lips to Dean’s. Dean enthusiastically returned the kiss and Castiel pressed more surely against him. For a moment, that’s all their was. Slow, deep kissing, the squishy sofa, and the overwhelming scent of Dean when he was newly clean. Dean pulled Castiel into his lap and began to leave open-mouthed  kisses down the column of his throat. Castiel could not help but allow a soft groan to color his exhale. Dean’s mouth was lovely.  _ This  _ was lovely. He could almost allow this forever. Almost. Before he could decide how long ‘almost’ was, Dean pulled away. Castiel could not help the whine the came at the loss. 

        “What do you want, baby?” Dean asked. He had never been more beautiful than he was just now. Lips swollen and glistening from kissing, hair wild where Castiel’s fingers had gripped him, a blush tingeing his cheeks. 

       “I want you,” Castiel says more surely than he has said anything in his life.

        “How, sweetheart?” Dean asked gently. His thumbs rubbed rhythmic circles into Castiel’s hips.

        “Take me, Dean,” Castiel said and leaned down to steal another kiss. He couldn’t help himself. Dean was simply too lovely. 

        “Easy, cowboy, let's make sure I have condoms first,” Dean grinned. Castiel slid off him so he could stand, but crowded in close as soon as Dean was up. He couldn’t get enough of Dean. Especially not now. Dean took Castiel hand and lead him back down the hall to his bedroom. It was small and homey, but nice. Castiel didn’t focus on Dean’s decorating habits just now. Dean opened a drawer on his nightstand and withdrew a condom and a tube of lube. 

       “Dean,” Castiel said, just to feel the name in his tongue in this, most intimate of moments. 

      “You’re overdressed, Cas,” Dean said and threw the towel away from him. Dean was an Adonis like this, wild and beautiful, something Castiel itched to paint.  _ One day _ , he admonished himself. Now was only a time to feel. Castiel carefully removed the shirt and pants, aware that they were not his to begin with. When his timidly pulled his boxers down, Dean  _ growled _ .

       “Most beautiful goddamn thing I’ve ever seen,” he proclaimed and went to devour Castiel whole. They resumed their kissing, though this time it was far from sweet. This time it was just the bumping of noses and tongue and the careless clash of teeth. Dean pressed their cocks together and gave a rough roll of his hips, drawing a gasp from Castiel. It was all too much. Too  _ good _ . 

       “Dean, please,” Castiel said. Dean pulled away to nudge Castiel backward toward the bed. 

      “Lay down, Cas. Let me see you.”

      Castiel allowed himself to flop back on Dean’s bed. The mattress immediately dipped to match the curve of his spine and he sighed without meaning to. Dean smirked. “Memory foam, am I right?” he asked before crawling right up after Castiel. Dean lowered his head to kiss Castiel again, sweetly, then he rose up onto his knees with a wicked grin. He tore open the condom package and rolled it over his cock. Castiel couldn’t help the whisper sound that he made when Dean’s cock gave a happy twitch. 

     “Dean,” Castiel implored, “can we speed this along?” His own cock jutted away from his hips and steadily dripped precome. Dean gave a wicked grin. He opened the cap on the lube and poured a generous amount on his fingers. He wrapped a warm and very unexpected hand around Castiel’s cock, sent Castiel bowing off the bed. He released Castiel after a few strokes, though, and Castiel whimpered. 

      “Easy,” said Dean, “I’m getting to the good part.” Without warning, he pressed a finger to Castiel’s hole. Castiel yelped, then hummed. Dean took to preparing him with the same warm love he did with everything involving Castiel.  And then, he entered Castiel. 

     There were good things in Castiel’s life. None of them compared to Dean within him. 

     It was like a symphony in a silent world. It was the most incredible thing Castiel had ever experienced and he doubted anything could ever feel as good as Dean loving him. Dean fucking him. Dean’s cock sliding in him was the closest thing to god Castiel had ever felt. And when he came, it was Dean’s name in his lips. Dean’s feeling burned on his soul. He felt ecstasy and love and feelings too great for him to understand. Dean’s followed soon after, responding with Castiel’s name, worshipped on his tongue. 

      After it was over, they had wiped off, the condom was disposed of, the afterglow had set in, and Dean wrapped Castiel in his arms. It was warm and safe there, and Castiel was content. 

     “I think I’m falling for you, Cas,” Dean said sleepily. 

       “How can you possibly know that?” Castiel demanded. Dean shrugged.

       “I just do. You’re my one and only.”

        “I—” Castiel didn’t know what to say to that.

        “It’s okay if you can’t say it back yet. You will,” Dean said confidently. Castiel wasn’t sure what it was, but somehow, he felt confident too.


	8. Chapter 8

    Castiel spent the night with Dean. He hadn’t planned on it. In fact, when he left, his thoughts were on his own lonely bed, wondering how he would cope with it. He’d slept alone for most of his life, but now that he had been truly held by Dean, he knew he’d always crave it. But then, just as he was making his way out the door, Dean tugged him closer for a kiss.

     “Wanna have a slumber party?” he asked, charming and infuriatingly handsome smile tugging his mouth into something from myth and legend. Castiel hesitated. 

        “Are you sure? I’d hate for Gabriel and Sam to think I don’t take their hospitality seriously…” Castiel bit his lip. Dean carefully thumbed it out from between his teeth and kissed it gently. 

       “C’mon, Cas. We could braid each other’s hair,” Dean said inticingly. Castiel couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up from this throat. 

        “ _ Dean _ ,” he said with a smile he couldn’t help, “you’re incorrigible.”

        “Hey, I could’ve said we could braid each other’s pubes, but…” Dean looked away and shrugged in mock nonchalance. Castiel pressed his forehead against Dean’s chest, shoulders shaking with wave after wave of laughter.  _ God _ , what did he do to deserve the likes of Dean? Dean wrapped both arms around Castiel and laughed too, helplessly and unafraid. When Castiel got himself under control, he pressed his lips squarely against Dean’s. 

        “I’ll be back after dinner,” he said with a smile. Dean’s face lit up like the sun and he gave the hundred watt smile that never failed to make Castiel’s heart skip. 

       “Bring your toothbrush, sweetheart,” Dean said, bringing Castiel in for one last goodbye kiss.

“‘Cause I don’t like kissing someone when they taste like condom.” He whispered only for Castiel to hear. Castiel slapped his chest in mock-annoyance. 

       “Crude. It’s little wonder you and Gabriel get along,” Castiel said airily. Dean shot him an affronted look. 

      “I am  _ nothing _ like that pipsqueak!” he said indignantly. Castiel just smiled serenely. 

     “Of course you aren’t. I’ll see you tonight.” 

     Back at Gabriel’s house, Castiel was greeted by his brother flinging himself into Castiel’s arms. 

       “Cassie, I’m sorry,” Gabriel said, voice muffled by Castiel’s shirt.  

       “For what?” Castiel asked. 

       “For lying to you. I know better than that, Cassie. You were always so brave,” Gabriel said. His eyes were red rimmed, like he’d been crying all morning. His eyelids were still a little puffy. 

       “I’m still upset that you thought you couldn’t trust me,” Castiel admitted, “but I understand. I wouldn’t have believed you if I hadn’t seen them myself.”

       “Hey, Cas.” Castiel looked over Gabriel’s head to see Sam padding out of the hallway. He look contrite and sheepish, and his eyes were also lined in red. 

       “Hello, Sam,” Castiel replied. He kept his tone calm and even.

       “Cas, I’m sorry about earlier. Clearly you aren’t freaking out, so…” Sam looked down. Castiel stepped around Gabriel and gave Sam a long hug. 

     “You were trying to protect your brother. If I were you, I’d have done the same thing,” Castiel said. Sam hugged him back fiercely. 

      “Thanks, Cas,” Sam muttered against his shoulder. His voice sounded a little wobbly to Castiel. Then again, Castiel found his own eyes suspiciously wet. 

     “Come on, you guys,” Gabriel said through what was clearly a thick cloud of emotion, “what are we gonna do all day, hug?” The idea honestly sounded very nice to Castiel, but he knew it wasn’t practical. So, he released Sam and took a step back. He felt warm and filled with brotherly love. 

     The more he thought about it, the less he wanted to leave Mercy. He had his brother, of course, and Castiel had always wanted to be closer to Gabriel. He had Dean, someone he was coming to love, even if he wasn’t sure he could say that just now. And there were the burgeoning friendships he was making in Sam and Charlie. San Diego had never seemed farther away. 

      Gabriel was right when he said Mercy chose people. Castiel felt chosen. He felt alive for the first time in years. Mercy was far from a place he wanted to run from. It was a place he wanted to return to. It was a place he never wanted to leave. It was astounding. In just a few short weeks, Castiel had found a  _ home _ . A real one, filled with family and friends and love. This strange town with its nightmare horses, and its horizontal-jawed dogs, and its warm, secretive people, was more of a home than Castiel had ever been. He didn’t want to leave it. He wouldn’t. He just didn’t know how to tell everyone yet.

   So, Castiel, Sam, and Gabriel went out. They saw Mercy, but unlike his introduction with Dean, they  _ really  _ saw Mercy. Even though it had mythical and dangerous animals, it was still a town like any other in America. It still had a club and a sex shop and some fast food joints. There were grungy alleys, people that were nice and others that weren’t so nice. The Roadhouse had excellent food but the little Mexican restaurant was so terrible, Castiel left with stitches in his sides from Gabriel’s abysmal jokes about the equally abysmal food. 

      That evening, they went back to the house and Castiel packed a small overnight bag. As he left for Dean’s, Gabriel gave him another hug. He looked down and shuffled his feet.

      “Something wrong?” Castiel asked. 

      “I glad you’re spending the night at Dean’s, Cassie, it’s just, I’ll miss you when you go back home,” Gabriel said. Castiel reaches out a hand and squeezed his shoulder. 

     “I am home, Gabe. I’m not going anywhere.” A wide, wonderful smile spread across Gabriel’s face. 

       “The sea beckons us home,” he said. Castiel nodded in a agreement. 

       “The sea beckons us home.”

         That night, returning to Dean’s house was like coming home within home. Dean was warm and sweet and he smelled like everything Castiel had ever wanted. That night, he crawled beneath the sheets of Dean’s bed and snuggled in close and deep against Dean’s chest. He fell asleep with both Dean’s arms around him and his nose in Dean’s hair, breathing in the scent of Dean’s shampoo. This was love. This was peace. This was everything. 

      The next morning, it was different. Castiel woke up warm and safe next to Dean but to a great banging and shouting at the door. Abby was barking wildly. Dean grumbled as he awoke, untangled himself from Castiel and the bed clothes and answered the door. He came running back to the room a couple minutes later, frantic and struggling to throw clothes on. 

      “What’s going on?” Castiel asked as he stirred into full wakefulness. 

      “Some  _ idiot _ named Dick Roman lured a horse up on the beach,” Dean growled as he jumped to tug his jeans over his hips. Castiel rolled out of bed and began to get dressed as well. If Dean was leaving to go deal with the horse, he was going too. 

     “What are we going to do?” Castiel asked, sliding a sweater over his head. 

     “We’re gonna go catch it and bring it to the barn,” Dean said, “It’ll be a menace to society unless we go take it.”

      “How do we do that?” Castiel asked. Dean grinned the kind of grin that showed his excitement that Castiel was interested in what he loved. 

      “Come on. I’ll show you.” They went to the barn and took a halter before running down to the beach. The scene there made Castiel’s stomach sour. He was sure he would have thrown up if there had been anything in his stomach. 

      A man that must have been Dick Roman was lying on the pale sand and clutching a right stump. There was a bloody smear then his arm, dancing from the jaws of a beautiful, black and white piebald mare. There was a short fishing knife sprouting from one of her eyes. She trembled and kept to the surf. Dick Roman was screaming. 

     “I gotta deal with him,” Dean jerked a thumb at Dick Roman. “Can you get her under control?” Dean handed the halter to Castiel. 

      “Dean, no, I don’t know anything about horses,” Castiel protested. Dean smiled and slid his iron ring onto Castiel’s finger. 

     “Just put the halter on her. I showed you how to do that yesterday, right? The iron will protect you. If she tries to bite, press the iron to her nose. It’ll weaken her.” With that, Dean trotted over to Dick Roman’s shrieking form. 

       Castiel hesitantly went to the horse. She pinned her ears at him. Her muscles shook with what Castiel recognized as the urge to run. He looked into her eyes—well, eye and bleeding knife wound—and saw her empathy. It just clicked. She didn’t want this. She probably just wanted to eat and was attacked and now all she wanted to do was run home. But then Castiel showed up and she didn’t know he meant her no harm. She felt backed into a corner and still she stood brave and proud. Vicious and gorgeous, as turbulent as the sea. 

      “You remind me of a painting, sweet girl,” Castiel said to her as he edged closer. “I’m a painter,” he confided in her. The horse stood stock still. When Castiel was close enough, he reached out a hand to touch her. She recoiled. Castiel didn’t. Dean hadn’t recoiled from him when he wanted to run, so he would grant her the same tough love. She’d be safe with him. He pressed a hand to her warm, seal-smooth muzzle. She made a noise that was neither equine or lupine but was certainly a threat. Castiel ignored it. He slid the halter over her nose and behind her ears. When he tugged in the lead rope, the horse followed, coming to him. Castiel smiled. Her ears were quirked in confusion. She didn’t understand Castiel’s lack of fear. Castiel stroked her cheek. That was okay. She would. 

     “You know what painting you remind me of?” Castiel whispered to her. Her ears pricked forward, clearly listening to him. “You remind me of a painting of a woman who was split apart and held together and she looked as brave as you.” The horse blinked her dark eye. “So I’ll name you for her. Come along, Kahlo.” The horse followed him out of the surf and Castiel grinned. Suddenly, he understood Dean’s love for Blue. Kahlo whickered like she wanted Castiel to keep talking. 

     “Hey!” Dean came over to them. In the distance, Dick Roman was being hauled away on a stretcher. Dean was grinning widely. “I think she likes you,” he said. He drew Castiel in for a kiss. Castiel smiled and looked back at the horse. 

     “Her name is Kahlo,” he told Dean. 

     “Pretty,” Dean replied. 

    “Dean, I think I love her,” Castiel said. 

     “That’s awesome, Cas,” Dean said. 

      “Dean, I’m not leaving Mercy. I don’t care about anything else. I just want the sea, my paints, my brother, you, and this horse. Mercy is my home,” Castiel blurted out. The truth was too beautiful to contain. Dean wrapped him a tight hug and peppered his face with kisses.

       “I love you, Cas,” he said, his voice warm and true. 

      “I love you, too, Dean,” Castiel replied. After one more, lingering, open-mouthed kiss, they broke apart. Dean turned to look at Kahlo with an appraising eye. 

     “I won’t be able to save that eye,” Dean said, “she’ll be a little harder to train because she’ll feel disadvantaged.”

     “I still want to try,” Castiel said firmly. 

     “I think you’ll succeed,” Dean said with a cheeky grin, “I’ve never met anyone more stubborn in my life. I feel sorry for the horse.” Castiel slapped his shoulder.

       “ _ Dean _ ,” he griped. 

       “Hey, no, it’s a good thing. Training a horse takes time, and since she’s staying with me, you’ll have to come visit a lot,” Dean said. Castiel snuggled against his side. Kahlo sighed in boredom.

       “Don’t worry, sweet girl, we’ll get you fixed in no time,” Castiel gentled her. Dean had a funny smile on his face. 

      “You’ll make a good dad someday,” he said. Castiel laced Dean’s fingers with his own. 

       “I can be good at anything as long as it’s with you.”

       “Sap.” Dean was smiling. 

       “No.” Castiel shook his head, “just happy to be home.”


	9. Epilogue

E   ~One Year Later~

 

    Castiel woke up to a barely warm bed. He groaned and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow beside him, trying to soak in the fading scent. He missed Dean beside him on mornings like this. Abby and Castiel’s puppy Bumblebee snored on, completely unconcerned by Dean’s abscence.

     Castiel had just returned to Mercy from a gallery showing in New York, and leaving Dean behind was always hard. Dean generally came along to shows with Castiel, but it was summer and that meant foaling season, so he needed to stay behind. That and Jack needed to be with at least one of his daddies right now. So, Castiel had gone and Dean had stayed and Castiel had missed him terribly. Now that Castiel was back home, Castiel had been excited to wake up beside his husband, but the ranch always intruded. Dean needed to get up early to attend to a mare in labor. So Castiel was forced to wake up to a cold bed where Dean should have been.

     Castiel sat up, stretched, and yawned. It was only seven a.m. Castiel groaned, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep if Dean wasn’t there to cuddle with, so he got dressed and went to the next room to check on Jack.

     Jack had been abandoned at a fire station a few towns over. Castiel couldn’t believe his ears when Sam told him and Dean the story over Sunday brunch. Castiel’s art business was just starting to really take off and he and Dean had only been married for a few months, but one glance at Dean and he knew. Jack wouldn’t be alone in the world any longer. Now Jack was still a little underweight and a little too quiet for a baby of six months, but he was coming along.

     “Good morning, sweet boy,” Castiel cooed. Jack blearily opened his eyes and gave a small whimper. Castiel lifted him out of his crib and settled him snugly against his chest. “Papa’ll get you breakfast, then we can go find Daddy,” Castiel promised. He changed Jack’s diaper, then put him in a bumblebee outfit that Dean had snorted at, but Castiel was sure he found it darling.

    Castiel ambled into the kitchen with a sleepy Jack and gave the babe a bottle after he scarfed down a warm breakfast burrito that Dean made for him. Then Castiel gathered his paints, his easel and strapped Jack into his chest carrier. Jack made a content sound and went right back to sleep. Castiel put some food out for the dogs and then went out to the barn.

       Kahlo whinnied the moment she saw him. Since she was heavily pregnant, she was in a separate barn closer to the house so Dean could be there for her birth. Castiel pressed his hand to her smooth nose. She turned her head to regard him with her remaining eye. She bumped curiously at Jack, and Castiel firmly pushed her nose away. Kahlo was still a wild thing, and her interest in Jack could be simply curiosity or it could be predatory. Castiel wasn’t willing to risk Jack while she decided.

      “Hold still, Kahlo,” Castiel said as he sat down on a stool and set up his easel around Jack. He began a study of her black and white face, her sharp teeth, her skeletal eye socket, her wild dark eye. She whickered again. Castiel grinned. “I missed you too.”

      “I hope I’m not losing you to her, Cas.” Castiel turned to see Dean entering the barn. He gave Kahlo an obligatory ear scratch that she melted into then went to drop a kiss in Castiel’s cheek and another on Jack’s head.

      “She is a pretty lady,” Castiel teased.

      “Hey!” Dean groused. But then his face softened. “I’m glad you’re home, Cas.”

       “I am too, Dean, beloved, I am too,” Castiel replied.

       “Can I watch you paint her?” Dean asked. Castiel gestured at another stool.  

      “By all means.” Dean grinned and tugged the stool over. He snuggled right up against Castiel. Castiel sighed, completely content.

      “I’m glad you gave Mercy a shot,” Dean murmured against Castiel’s shoulder.

      “So am I. I’m glad I’m home,” Castiel replied. And he was. He had a family and a life that he would have never imagined possible before. He was truly happy. And lucky, and in love, and all the good things. He had his brother, his horse, his paints, his husband, his son and the sea. All was well. No, all was better than that. All was in Castiel’s grasp and his life had never been more exciting. All _would_ be well too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own nor do I claim to own Supernatural or the characters therein. I also do not own the lyrics at the beginning. All ownership goes to Eric Kripke, the CW Network and the band Sleeping At Last. All rights reserved. I only own my OC’s and the plot. I make no monetary benefit from this story. I’m here to entertain.


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